Perfectionists often worry more goals and achievements not by their prosperity. Sometimes we are so busy trying to please people, avoid criticism, and prove ourselves to be “good” that we don’t even realize how it affects our mental and physical health.
Are you a perfectionist?
Perfectionists have very high standards for themselves and sometimes for others. We expect ourselves to excel in everything, to achieve our goals effortlessly, and to always please. We get ourselves self-esteem from our achievements, that is, we are constantly correcting, perfecting, seeking validation, and trying to prove our worth. This is a stressful way of living.
How perfectionism gets in the way of self-care
Self-care reduces the effects of stress and prevents perfectionism from damaging our physical and mental health. But as perfectionists, we’re often guilty of doing things for ourselves, especially anything that isn’t directly related to achieving a goal, meeting expectations, or getting more done.
Self-care is incompatible with our ideal of perfection. We think of perfect people as selfless, low-maintenance, need-nothing types who can run on steam and still get things done. Because our expectations are unrealistic, we underestimate our need for rest. boundariescommunication and fun – and then you feel guilty for having these needs in the first place.
But the truth is that we all need to take care of ourselves. We need to tend to our physical, emotional and mental state spiritual to be healthy and live life to the fullest.
Another challenge perfectionists face is our tendency to turn our hobbies and games into competitions. Instead of enjoying the occasional weekend football game, we obsess over winning or running the rules. When we enroll in a drawing course, we want our work to look exactly like the example. This type perfectionist striving can take away the joy from activities that help us relax and connect.
What is self-care?
Self-care is the practice of consistently meeting our physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. He is doing something healthy and restorative to help us get back into balance.
Self-care is often confused with leisure or indulgence. In fact, it is not always pleasant. Going to the dentist is a form of self-care because it protects your health, even if it’s not fun. And not all pleasurable activities are self-care. Eating a bag of potato chips after a hard day may comfort you, but it doesn’t really restore your physical or emotional energy.
That doesn’t mean we have to make healthy choices all the time. Most of us mindlessly eat chips while watching Netflix. It’s okay, once in a while – we need to understand that this is not the same as quality self-care.
Self-care fulfills a need
Perfectionism convinces us that we need nothing – we must work tirelessly, give without taking, and achieve without trying. But this is not realistic. Everyone has needs. And if we don’t pay attention to them, we can’t function optimally.
Most of us are used to getting by anyway. We sacrifice rest to finish a project or ignore our boundaries to avoid disappointing someone. But this is not sustainable. Meeting our needs through self-care is not selfish; it is important for our health and happiness. Riya describes what happens when we constantly put others before ourselves.
Riya’s story
Riya is someone who will always help you. If you are sick, he will bring food. If your car breaks down, he will drive you away. If you fall behind at work, he will stay late and start working. He puts everyone else’s needs before his own.
At a recent physical exam, her doctor expressed concern about her high blood pressure and lack of sleep and encouraged her to take better care of herself. But Riya doesn’t understand the point. He feels guilty about leaving work for his lunch break or going to the gym. He tells himself he can get by on five hours of sleep. It feels selfish to go out with friends instead of going straight home after work.
Perfectionism Key Readings
Like all of us, Riya needs exercise, rest, nutrition and connection. It is not a luxury; they are basic human needs.
Self-care is an intentional activity to meet a specific need. Because it is based on needs, it is not a reward we should receive, and it is not selfish. Resting when you’re tired is no different than eating when you’re hungry, even though we’ve learned to judge ourselves for it.
Changing misconceptions about self-care
Many barriers to self-care come from a rigid, all-or-nothing mindset. We label things as “good” or “bad,” “right” or “wrong,” and then feel guilty because we categorize self-care as “selfish” or “lazy.”
Which of these common misconceptions about self-care do you recognize?
Self-care is:
- Waste of time
- Lazy
- Selfish
- Weak
- Something to earn money
Once you understand how these beliefs contribute to your fatigue or frustration, you can begin to challenge them and create more balanced thoughts.
Instead of “Self-care is selfish,” you might try “Self-care fulfills needs and everyone has needs” or “Self-care is healthy.” With practice, these reframes become more reliable and automatic.
Summary
Perfectionism makes it difficult to balance work and leisure, self-care and others, relaxation and goal-oriented pursuit. But we can learn to let go of our unrealistic expectations and learn to care for ourselves without them. guilt. Taking care of ourselves doesn’t make us inadequate—it helps us stay healthy, grounded, and fully engaged in our lives.
©Sharon Martin. Partially copied from the author’s book. CBT Workbook for Perfectionism.
