Noise culture teaches us to grab as much as we can and hold on to it. Throughout life we make plans for how to move ourselves up the ladder, to reach the next goal or big achievement, always worrying that our carefully laid plans will fall apart and we will lose everything.
Fear of ending up with nothing (right) excites us. At 3 a.m., we throw on the rolled sheets and turn around, fighting ruminations, intrusive thoughts, and a wonderful combination. (my personal favorite) destructive thinking.
Early in my career, I spent a lot of time thinking about how much money was coming in or not. I was constantly stressed and regularly doing financial gymnastics on my bank accounts.
This struggle fueled my desire to not only make more money, but to be at peace with it. I envied anyone who managed to stay calm while spending money, and I aspired to embody that magical nature.
Accepting defeat
One day when I was working as an art director at a publishing house, I told a colleague that I had lost a $500 deposit on a trip. “You’ll never see that $500 again,” he said without missing a beat and his voice booming.
Oof. It stung. As true as it seemed at the time, I had certainly lost the money and was sad about it, but I couldn’t quite accept the idea that once money was spent, it was gone and never to be found again.
I didn’t imagine it would appear, literally, like a $500 check in my mailbox. But still I felt that somehow, unexpectedly, I would meet him again. However, at that point, I put my unicorn-level optimism aside, accepted defeat, and soldiered on.
I continued to work hard and steadily save small amounts. But I also got into personal development and read every money management book I could get my hands on. And one day I finally realized something for sure: money comes and goes.
Change the mindset
I know we’ve all heard this simple phrase. But did you really hear that? And do you believe it?
I was talking to my friend Tori on the phone about a rough patch her business was going through when she blurted out the obvious to me: “Money comes and goes.”
Somehow the words finally landed. It all hit me like a truck – yes, money comes and goes! It has a downside due to its transactional nature. So why did I try to micromanage it?
I silently announced that the next time I had to make up a chunk of change, I believed it would be made up labor or otherwise. Of course, my declaration and new thinking have often been tested.
Power of reception
Last summer I went to visit my friend Krista, who lives a few hours outside of Toronto. Our first stop was a local cash-only honey store. We had both forgotten this detail, so we headed towards the only ATM in town.
As we transacted, we chatted animatedly, the high-tech nature of the ATM distracting me even more. Finally, we left with a bang (pun absolutely intended) back to the honey store. I collected my spices and went to the counter to pay. But as soon as I opened my wallet, I felt a warm, burning sensation. There was no sign of the $200 he had just withdrawn.
It only took me a millisecond to realize what had happened: I had left the cash in the ATM. A protest from within and a carefully orchestrated “I’m not going to cringe in public and embarrass myself even more” moment.
We hurried back to the bank. But – no shock here – the money is gone. I officially got $200. That warm feeling washed over me again, but this time I quickly corrected myself: that’s when I took a deep breath and consciously decided to stay calm. I’m not going to let this little disaster ruin my day, let alone my entire trip.
I was amazed at how I chose peace instead of spinning. Who was this Yoda?
When we got back to Krista’s house, I called my bank to see if there was a way to make things right. They filed a case and told me that if the claim is approved I will get a refund.
Choosing flow over fear
So did I get my money back? I really don’t know. I never checked. It’s not that I don’t care or value money. I did. And I am. At one point in my life, $200 was the difference between paying rent and not.
But believing that the money is gone forever and I’ll always be $200 poorer, well, restrictive. It doesn’t feel good or much. Knowing what it’s like to struggle with money, I definitely want abundance.
If you’re surprised by my laissez-faire attitude, trust me, I’m more than that. In my twenties, I developed a terrible habit of “running away from money”. But after realizing that my actions were making my finances much worse, I spent decades consciously learning new, positive habits.
I now consciously and regularly review my bank account and credit card statements. So why did I ignore the numbers in this case?
I didn’t run away from the problem: I chose the flow. I chose to believe that no matter how much money unexpectedly disappeared from my bank account that day, more money would come.
Whether it’s true or not, it gives me more power to believe that money is flowing in the cycle of abundance and that I can be a part of that flow. I let money go when I want and/or need it and stay open to finding a way back to me.
A new, healthy relationship with money is fostered when I remember to do three things:
- Pause and take a deep breath before reacting;
- Acknowledge and accept my feelings;
- Choose supporting and expanding ideas (even when I don’t want to).
Try this simple formula the next time you’re struggling financially.
Yes, you can break patterns that don’t serve you.
The results may surprise you: more peace, serenity, and an account balance that supports more sweet loads.
