“I can never be thin enough,” my 88-year-old mother said when I told her I was writing body image. “I was 85 years old before I wore white pants,” he admitted. “Honestly, it’s just because I’ve lost weight. I still have issues.”
I can’t tell you how many of my clients carry a body for years or a lifetime shamejust like my mother. They are ashamed to even talk about it. Healing body shame has to start with talking about it.
Although body shame is a year-round torment, body shame and worry increases in summer. On top of the swimsuits and shorts that make us feel more exposed, we also have vacations, dates, and the inevitable photos that bring out our hidden insecurities.
The root of the problem
For many, their physical insecurities began childhoodwhether those around them are more sensitive by nature or their parents have been critical. For others, it grew out of romantic rejection, childhood teasing, or fat or exposure diet to speak Social networks is now considered one of the biggest culprits of appearance anxiety by reinforcing associations between approval (liking) and unrealistic body ideals.
Fat phobia
Taking care of our bodies through exercise, healthy eating, appearance and style is an important expression of self-love and respect. One of the first concepts in my book, Spiritual marriage, “We are responsible for ourselves happiness and well-being.” We feel good when we make the right choices to feel healthy and strong.
Yet we live in a society that suffers from “fat”. phobia” a bias where larger bodies are considered ugly, unhealthy or fundamentally wrong. It’s natural for our bodies to come in different shapes and sizes and evolve over the years. Yet many of us have internalized society’s messages that our bodies don’t measure up to perfect standards or that our worth is somehow lower because we age.
You deserve Happiness
Body shame can become an obsession, a silent killer of our mental well-being and intimate relationships, especially with ourselves. We can miss the creative ways our unique souls seek to enjoy life, express themselves, and touch others, which our bodies are preoccupied with.
Let’s start by calling out bad habits of body shame, then move forward with simple actions. Real change takes action, and you deserve the effort.
Mistakes that preserve body shame
Mistake 1: Believing what your “doubting mind” is telling you
When it comes to healing body shame, we need to start with our minds. I like painting conclusion-based cognitive behavioral therapynewer therapy for intrusive thoughts and compulsions. According to conclusion-based therapy, we have 1) suspicious mind and 2) true intelligence.
Constantly monitoring, criticizing, or comparing your body means you’re holding on to a doubting mindset. Then your brain becomes stuck with the obsessive belief that you are not good enough. Self-compassion is replaced by your own body thug. Your self-doubt rather than your true self allows your appearance to become the measure of your worth.
A suspicious mind is a master of silent drawing conclusionsi.e. imagined possibilities based on fear that distance us from reality and our true selves.
For example,
Truth: “My jeans are tighter.”
Conclusions: – I am a lazy person. “I’m not that attractive.” “I’m not good enough.” “I deserve less than others.” “They don’t love me.”
Read Body Image Essentials
You can see how one thought can turn into an entire imaginary reality of dignity and belonging. It is the cunning work of the suspicious mind that can create fear based on body shape or changes. The key to overcoming a doubting mind is to awaken and expand the boundaries of our true consciousness, that which we know and value as who we are.
Try this: Access your true self and values with the Friendship Test.
“If someone I loved had the same body, or had their body changed, would I believe they were less worthy or lovable?
as the founder of Kabbalah CenterRav Phillip Berg taught over and over again, “Consciousness is everything.” When we change the way we think, we create a whole new world.
Mistake 2: Forgetting what your body is for
We are not a physical vessel to be considered. We forget this in tragic ways. Resist the urge to focus on appearance and embrace the countless gifts your body gives you. Live with body neutrality it takes the pressure off of loving the way you look and focusing on what your body is doing for you. It helps you see your body as a vessel for pleasure and good.
Try this: Train your brain to appreciate everything your body does for you.
First thing in the morning, before you even open your eyes, think about at least three things that your body allows you to do (for example, breathe, take a walk, enjoy a meal, see loved ones, do something good). Repeat throughout the day, especially if you’re starting to feel shame about your body.
Your True Self Is Already Intact
A growing body trust it’s not necessarily about loving every inch of our body at every stage of our lives, it’s about not letting our appearance define our worth. Seeing our bodies as borrowed vessels that we can love, create, connect, and contribute to can calm a doubting mind. Then we can engage with our values and live meaningful lives with purpose and joy.
