Confrontation is part of the human experience. However, most people do not approach conflict in a healthy and effective way. Some don’t think it’s possible. Such argumentative people tend to engage in unhealthy conflict behaviors:
- Increase the intensity of the conflict
- Increase the frequency of conflicts
- Reduce the chances dispute resolution
Although conflict can occur in any relationship, it is common in romantic relationships. Both men and women can quarrel, which means “may cause a quarrel.” Nevertheless, general experience and research show that verbal aggression is the preferred conflict method for women.
Women are more cautious than men when it comes to using physical aggression because they are physically weaker and have to raise even weaker offspring. Thus, verbal aggression is a low-risk, indirect aggression method that they use to protect themselves and their offspring.
Signs
So, a woman will attract more because she is a woman. This does not mean that all women are like this. Just like not all men are physically aggressive. But men can be physically aggressive because they are men. Thus, physical aggression is mainly a male problem, while verbal aggression is a female problem.
Few women work on themselves and improve their behavior. They can be stubborn from time to time, but in general, they display healthy conflicting behavior. So, if you see one or more isolated occurrences of the following signs, they do not indicate a controversial nature. However, if you a consistent pattern if a woman has more than one of the following signs, she is probably a quarrelsome or a high conflict personality.
1. Right
A woman has the right without paying attention to his partner, he expects a great favor. There is nothing wrong with waiting. But to think that they should be welcomed in any case is self-righteous and selfish. Sometimes a man can happily satisfy his expectations. Sometimes he may not wish he could. It turns on an entitled woman. This gives rise to contradictions and expressions such as:
“You will never hear me.”
“You always ignore my needs.”
This type of always/never thinking is a cognitive bias. But because it’s based on emotions, emotions can be anger and frustration, logic flies out the window. All the times you did for him sat on the shelf, neglected and ignored, waiting for him to pick him up and shake off the dust that covered them. But he doesn’t.
2. Thirsty for power
People love power. Power is about ‘getting your own way’. The way to satisfy your selfish needs is to gain power. But healthy people understand that “getting your own way,” especially at the expense of others, is not conducive to good relationships. They actively choose true connection over force. They expect the same from others.
If the woman you’re with doesn’t want to let go of power, she’s playing a completely different game than you. In your opinion, the definition of a healthy and equal relationship is sharing power. The concept of equal relations does not exist for him. Because women, unlike men, do not want to give up power in a relationship. In fact, they consider the relationship dominated by them to be more stable and close.
Now, if you’re a man who lets a woman dominate you, you might think it’s no big deal. Society and social media may have convinced you that this is normal. It’s not. This is an unhealthy dynamic. Over time, you may end up resenting him in uglier ways than men in other dynamics would.
Things that cause conflict between power hungry people:
- Emotional blackmail
- Emotional manipulation
- Ignoring boundaries
- Making decisions without consulting you (affects you)
- Trying to win every time (win-lose mentality)
- Often interrupt and talking over people
3. disrespect
We all want to be seen positively by others, especially our significant others. It’s just how the brain is wired. A significant part of our self-esteem as heterosexuals depends on how positively an attractive member of the opposite sex views us. In most cases, this is our partner. If it weren’t for that, people wouldn’t be able to reproduce. By associating self-esteem with reproductive success, the mind does its best to ensure that your genes are passed on to the next generation.
That’s why disrespect, especially from an attractive person of the opposite sex, tends to land very hard, usually from your partner. Your mind reacts as if all hell broke loose. It makes you believe that this is the worst thing that could happen to you. It tries to lower your self-esteem. You get angry and may act aggressively towards your partner to regain a sense of power. You may not respect them in turn. They are unworthy, not you.
If your woman is often disrespectful, she is fishing for conflicts. He wants to turn you on. Power-hungry people like to push buttons, pull ropes, and watch people react like puppets.
How disrespect manifests itself:
4. Humanization
To dehumanize someone is to deprive them of their humanity. When you say someone is “less than human,” you mean they don’t deserve human respect, decency, and dignity. A common way this manifests in romantic relationships or marriages is when a woman sees her man as an ATM. He sees him less than a person: as a machine, as a tool. When you are seen like this, you feel disrespected. Disrespect leads to defensiveness. Defensiveness leads to conflict.
5. Lack of empathy
An argumentative woman can be a narcissist, especially a covert narcissist. The characters are remarkably consistent. And narcissists lack empathy. Those who lack empathy find it difficult to understand the thoughts of others—their needs, thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. They are only interested in their own minds and don’t care about other people’s opinions. This can make the partner feel neglected, invisible, dismissed, and devalued, which leads to conflict.
- Fight for the little things
- Let the desire to be right be strong
- Lack of responsibility and accountability (permanent victim mentality)
- Use strong language and personal attacks
- Enjoy proving others wrong (superiority needs)
- Treat neutral comments as criticism and challenge them
Healthy conflict
Unfortunately, conflict in relationships is normalized. It’s normal, yes, but it shouldn’t be normalized. When you normalize it, you form the idea that “this is it”. It makes you weak. This prevents you from examining and correcting unhealthy conflict patterns.
Healthy relationships exist in which people barely fight, and if they do, they do so in healthy ways. Often, a healthy conflict is an unhealthy conflict apart from disrespect and the rest of the signs mentioned above. It is characterized by:
- Boldness
- About boundaries
- Respectfully disagree
- Treating another person like a person
