I tried to kill my ego for 10 years. Here’s why I sabotaged myself. ⋆ LonerWolf

As we begin our healing paths, spiritual journeys, and inner quests to live meaningful lives, we are often taught: ego is our #1 enemy.

The ego is the source of our suffering. The ego wants to weaken us. Ego destroys all our happiness.

You’ve heard it all before.

And while this may be true to some extent, this teaching can actually be very destructive to us. internal business trip.

The trap no one talks about: You can’t outgrow the self you never built

When I first started on the inner path, I was completely convinced that I was my own enemy – and as a result I actively and passively tried to seek its final destruction for ten years.

I was taught that killing your ego is a “spiritual” and “woke” thing to do. It is something that is supposed to enlighten you or heal you of all your wounds.

This is what I didn’t realize until much later we actually need our ego for survive, set boundaries and stay safe in the world. Yes, it can be painful. But if you learn to be smart, it doesn’t have to pass your life.

I wrote about the dark side of uncertainty and other diverging spiritual paths before. But I’ll keep things simple here.

In the words of consultant and teacher John Bradshaw,

A strong integrated ego gives you a sense of confidence and control… Paradoxical as it may seem, your ego must be strong enough to break free from limited protection and control. You need a strong ego to transcend the ego.

Let me repeat this message again in my own words. You need a strong sense of self before you can transcend this self-consciousness.

Stop trying to dissolve your ego – you still don’t have it

Self-alienation – a Major problem in our world.

It was created not only by early life traumabut this internal alienation is also effected by living in our modern society.

Technology, endless notifications, addictive social media and a fast-paced lifestyle have their way break up separates us from ourselves and forces us to live an externally controlled life.

The worst is when we go through a crisis and becoming lone wolves In search of meaning and clarity, we still challenging self-alienating doctrines is that place our strength in hand others.

But without having a well-defined sense of selfand without access to Himself (with a capital ‘S’, aka, Spirit) we don’t get very far. It’s no wonder we feel stuck, lost, or missing something.

What is missing is our own an embodied and grounded sense of self!

In his book The hero within, author Carol S. Pearson writes,

It is not possible to love much or accept it if it is not self-evident. In the second case, when people play roles to gain love or respect – and hide who they really are (which can be very needy) – they never feel loved. It’s a role she feels loved.

Even if you feel strong, go and spend a few hours with your extended family or a group of strangers. Still feeling safe and secure? Or do you feel insecure, overly depressed, easily offended, or immediately slip into a false role or mask?

This is a sign that your ego is not as stable as you think.

Ego is not your enemy – self-alienation is

Self-alienation Losing the soul – losing touch with your own deep soul Dark night of the soul. It’s a dark core wound that boils beneath all the anxiety, depression, and emptiness.

This too versatile. We can be alienated from our little self (ego) and our big “S” self (soul). Both of us may lack a strong and healthy sense of “me and my boundaries.” and Lose the sense of the Greater Self.

Of course, the ego may appear to be the enemy at first glance. The voices in your head will tell you unpleasant things – no one will deny that.

But the deeper issue isn’t bad voices or even arrogance or stubbornness. This missing a secure internal foundation. It can never feel like a healthy or well-developed self.

Here is the real issue developing a false self instead of an actual or real person. And all this comes when we are very small. I will study it more my main injury post It explores the initial wound of a breakup.

Physician and author Charles Whitfield describes the process of self-alienation well,

When our living True Self hides to please its parents and survive, a false, interdependent self emerges to take its place. Thus, we lose consciousness of our True Self to such an extent that we are not aware of its existence. We lose touch with who we really are. Gradually, we begin to think that we are lying – this becomes a habit and finally an addiction.

How to stop alienating yourself (and develop a healthy sense of self)

The older I get, the deeper it is psycho-spiritual becomes my approach to life. We need both sides of the spectrum to thrive.

In psychology, it’s called developing a healthier and stronger sense of self “Ego power.” It is the ability to feel strong and cope with stress no matter what life throws at you. Carl Jung said that.individualization“.

How do we develop a strong, grounded, healthy and balanced sense of self? There are many ways – and this website is full of them:

1. Acceptance keep a diary every day. (Start with these internal work logs.)
2. Get quality personality tests and learn more about yourself. (See these tests.)
3. Discover yourself deeper basic needs, values, wounds and beliefs. (See Soul Work Compass Course.)
4. Spend time regularly loneliness to know yourself.
5. Installation boundaries and learn to say no.
6. Eliminate mind-altering psychedelics (aka, LSD, psilocybin, mescaline, cannabis, DMT).
7. Do grounding and embodied meditationsuch as focusing on breathing or body scans (skip the “ego killing” types).
8. Spend time around safe people/pets with whom you feel at ease – those who can reflect you.
9. Avoid splitting spiritual paths (aka, astral projection, neo-advaita teachings, holotropic breathing, kundalini yoga, etc.)
10. Work with somatic and ways to treat the nervous system.
11. Give it a try bibliotherapy (reading to rediscover yourself) and using the tarot as a form of therapeutic self-discovery (non-divinatory).
12. Learn how to practice self care and take your time slow down every day.

Let me know if I missed any and suggest them in the comments. 😉

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For further reading on this topic, I recommend the following posts:

Tell me, what is your experience with “ego killing” and self-alienation? If you have a weak sense of self, what makes the experience worse? I’d love to hear in the comments.