I recently received an email from someone who read my article The psychology of competition and asked, “What practical steps can someone take to feel inspired by competing with another person?” I thought this was a great question. Who has not felt jealousy competition at some point?
Competition is a normal human behavior. Some of us tend to be more competitive than others – it’s baked into ours personality. The problem arises when competition turns us into someone we don’t know or creates anger that won’t go away. Also, instead of driving you toward self-improvement, competitive jealousy may be holding you back.
You may become a competitor or jealous of a colleague who has just been promoted. Or you can see someone social networks posts and wonder why you can’t have a life like them. You may be praised for your artistic skills, but someone has joined a group of friends who have won awards for their work.
Sometimes our brain sees others as a threat when they might have something we don’t have or be better at something than us.
Pay attention to your physical reactions
How does your body feel when you are around this person or when you hear about their success? How do you feel? Does it give you health problems like headaches and stomachaches? Ask yourself when these feelings arise. When you look at their social media? Do you hear your friend talking about how great this person is? What are triggers? Try relaxation exercises such as deep breathing or walking to reduce the intensity of your emotions. Being active can also help you process your emotions.
Find the origin
When we have feelings of competition that turn into jealousy, it says more about us than it does about them. Do you feel low or unable to do anything? When did you first feel it? When you were a child, did you have caregivers or other adults in your life who told you that you were not good enough? Have you been treated “less than” compared to other family members? Usually, feelings of jealousy run deep and you may want to consider talking to a mental health professional (MHP). MHP can help you process the emotions that come back to your family and help you better understand how you feel in the moment.
Separate fact from speculation
Part of competition and jealousy is thinking that the other person is living a wonderful life. Why can’t we have nice things? The truth is, we never know what goes on behind closed doors. They say everyone is fighting a war we don’t know about. “Why do they have such a perfect life?” When the story. when it appears, ask yourself: is it reality or speculation? Just because someone posts on social media doesn’t mean it’s true. You might be surprised how much your brain relies on assumptions rather than facts.
What is your ultimate goal?
Is this someone you see yourself having a long-term relationship with? friendship or relationships? If so, it might be helpful to take a step back and see if the competition is preventing you from getting to know them better. If your ultimate goal is to be “better” than this person at something, ask yourself what it would be like to be better. Does it make you happy? Give your life meaning? Or will it be a temporary feeling of victory, followed by more competition?
What other factors are at play?
You can compete with someone who has narcissistic trends. They may be comparing you to others and setting up competition, and you always feel like you’re lacking. You may be trying to be what they say. The best course of action for you may be to limit your contact with this person. If your relationship with this person confuses you, anxiousor less, it may be time to step back.
What can you learn from this person?
If you feel competitive and jealous of someone who has no trouble making friends, ask yourself what you can learn from them. You may feel competitive or jealous because having more friends is what you really want in your life. What can they do to meet people? Maybe they belong to or volunteer in social groups like a book club. If you know this person better, you can ask him how he knows others. If you’re jealous of someone else’s seemingly perfect health, this is your chance to see how you can improve your quality of life. Sometimes our competitiveness and jealousy can get in the way of learning more about others and ourselves.
Extend
If the person you’re competing with isn’t a friend or family member, consider making a friendly overture. If you already have a healthy emotional level closeness Consider being honest with this person and saying, “I admit, I’m jealous of how clean your house is.” Many times, the person will answer that they are jealous of something in your life. Communication helps you realize that others share the same feelings and experiences as you.
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