In the midst of loss, it is easy to see what is being taken and hard to see what is being given.
In my life, I realized that every family experiences loss, but I thought that my family would not experience an extreme amount. I believed fantasy It says that if we don’t hurt people and do what we can to support others, we can become immune to great loss. I enjoyed the illusion that maybe, just maybe, my love could make the relationship permanent, that is, it would last a lifetime.
Well, I have three daughters. One of them died two days after birth. Another was born with a severe neurological disability that impairs fine and gross motor skills. It took me a while to see Sara outside the shroud of ability. The voice of “He and I deserve more” is almost silent now. Sarah recently turned 51, and I asked that I share the courage, simplicity, and love she brings. My third daughter has been away from the family for over 25 years. My daughters continue to teach me about loss. One is no longer on the planet, one is far from home, and one is showing me how to gently embrace uniqueness.
Dreams die hard
It is painful to lose something that is dear to us. Loss often means we end up as someone’s parent, brothersor spouse. We create a life with the person we love, a meaningful life. This person now lives only with us memory. We cannot touch them, hold them, or see the countless ways they touch us. When we give up on the life we have created, our sorrows deepen. We are asked to come to terms with what has been and what could be. Ours dreams take away our hopes and aspirations that turn a day into a lifetime into a lifetime.
Creating relationships with loss
If we’re being honest, most of us don’t want to deal with a loss. We just want it to go away. However, come on, it won’t happen. Life is about change. No matter how much we want it, nothing is permanent. To be alive, then, is to experience change and the natural loss that comes with it.
If we insist on not dealing with loss, we can only deal with loss. We respond positively to a comfortable loss and resent it or feel that we have been the victim of an unwanted loss. Another option is to create a relationship with loss. Perhaps this will provide more comfort and durability.
Some possible elements of a work relationship with loss:
- Acceptance. On closer inspection, acceptance seems to be the only viable option, because not accepting the loss does nothing. We stand there and say, “I won’t accept you!” as we cry out, the loss is swirling. There is honesty and humility in accepting loss as an important part of life. Honesty is the recognition that we cannot stop losing, and it is the humble recognition of the limitlessness of life.
- Living on life’s terms. Acceptance doesn’t just happen because we say it will. We practice acceptance every day, and that may mean staying in non-reception for a while. Over time, our acceptance can deepen, bringing us into a deeper relationship with life. With measure surprise And amazingly, we bow to the infinity of life and are willing to live mostly with the conditions of life, including the mysterious, unpredictable and uncertain. From time to time we have the opportunity to exercise our will and make something happen.
- Give permission sadness. Grief allows us to maintain our relationship with life in the midst of loss. Sadness is the voice of your broken heart. Let Your Broken Heart Speak Its Fire (angerfeelings of anger and betrayal) and its water (sorrow, sadness and grief). If you suppress your fire and water, stagnant pools of water will extinguish the fire of your soul. Your spirit may wither away in the wreckage of grief. Life and your soul will become strangers to you. Let your broken heart have a voice. It can be tempting to curse the gods for stealing who or what you love. Your broken heart will speak of the gentleness you received in wonder and won’t forget. Let the breakdown be an outpouring of the intimacy you allow, the intimacy that sits on the edge of now and eternity.
- Getting closer. Who would ever want to come close to losing? Option can be crazy, like and its dark side is loss aversion. If you want to make peace with life, then approaching loss is a great way to do it. Approaching loss means accepting it as much as possible, which grows over time. And wondering what it takes to lose. When I’m interested, I hear: “Get ready to know me, the dark side of life. Learn how to best serve, especially those who have experienced loss. Honor kindness. Care. Lose less.”
- “What’s a given?” I’m ashamed to say, I used to think that losing only takes something. I have found that loss can be very rewarding. Loss is the herald of holiness. Old definition of the word holy it “proves that it really matters.” We all get distracted, we lose sight of what really matters. We fall into various attractive spectacles. We will bring attention to those rallied to our side social networks post and try to create a brand that really impresses. Loss calls us to something truly important. Losing also helps curb my arrogance by reminding me how little I can control. Loss connects me to others, no matter how different we are.
Living on life’s terms means deciding to deal honestly with loss. We recognize that loss is inevitable, and you don’t have to consider it just unfortunate. Then, allowing peace with the loss through ever-deepening levels of acceptance. When the tension between you and life is reduced, you and life are at peace. Learning and creating has been powerful in a way that couldn’t have been in a war zone.
