Complete this sentence. “I’d be happy if I had a little more…”
If you’re like most people, you probably say something like “Money” or “scary abs.” Most of us have a list of things that need to change in our lives before we can be happy. We often guess happiness just waiting for the next breakthrough.
However, the evidence shows that the money is only roughly calculated 2 percent of the difference in happiness among people. And dieting actually possible harms happiness.
Maybe focusing on the numbers on the scale or in your bank account isn’t the way to be happy. If those pursuits don’t move the needle the way we expect them to, where does happiness come from?
Science shows that if you want to be happy, the main thing is to start turning yourself around attention distance yourself and others.
Research tells us again and again that the most important component of happiness is a sense of social connection. For example, the longest-running study of human happiness (spanning three generations and 80 years), this Harvard Longitudinal Study, found that high-quality relationships are the single most important factor in lifelong happiness. After decades of tracking careers, wealth, health and relationships, researchers have come to a very simple conclusion. The quality of our relationships predicts happiness better than anything else studied.
Another study found that those who were socially oriented and employed (a.k.a dependency) goals made more gains in happiness than those who worked on personal growth goals. Instead of trying so hard to change yourself, if you really want to be happy, you can try to focus that energy on your relationship.
In addition to social interaction, contributing to the lives of others is a powerful way to be happy. Many studies have shown this altruism it benefits not only the receiver but also the giver. Doing things for others releases dopamine (and in fact, dispositional altruism is related to identity D4 dopamine receptors) and feels good. Helping others literally activates the brain’s reward system, and it shows. People who do more good for others reporting high life satisfaction, more positive affect and less negative affect.
In a 2019 study, participants were asked to do something good for others (e.g., donate, give a compliment, etc.) or take care of themselves (e.g., eat a nice meal, go to a movie, etc.). After 10 days, changes in their happiness were observed. While both groups reported increased levels of well-being on days they completed both tasks, participants who did good deeds for others felt more socially connected and more purposeful.
Taking care of yourself is important. As they say, the first thing to do is put on your own oxygen mask. But when you’re concerned about your happiness, don’t forget about social connection and altruism as an important part of your self-care routine. Call an old friend and enjoy the joy you feel laughing with them. Or help a stranger with food. It’s fine if you’re just doing it for the free dopamine – no one needs to know.
