A new study reveals 45 breakup strategies and identifies the most and least preferred ways to break up with people. romantic relationships. Here I explain what they are and why they matter.
The A paper by Apostolou and Kagialis, recently published Personality and individual differences.
An overview of learning
Study 1: Determining Divorce Behavior
Example: 228 Greek-speaking individuals (122 women), mean age 30 years for women and 31 years for men. About 55 percent were currently in a romantic relationship.
Methods: Participants were asked: “For various reasons, you are not happy with your romantic relationship. Write down some of the things you would do to end this relationship.”
Results: The researchers identified 45 distinct divorce behaviors.
Study 2: Assessment of disengagement behaviors
Example: 392 Greek-speaking participants (185 women). Women are 34 years old on average; men averaged 38. About 41 percent were single.
Methods: Participants rated 45 breakup moves by rating how likely they were to use each in an unsatisfying relationship.
Results: Researchers have grouped breakup behavior into nine basic “breakup strategies” (that is, common ways people deal with breakups) and further categorized them into three general types.
Based on the results, the following nine breakup strategies represent the most common ways people end relationships. (Note: Responses from representative participants are shown with minor edits for clarity and brevity. The meaning has not been altered.)
Nine separation strategies were identified
1. Being cold and distant
These people relied on emotional withdrawal and passive signs to end the relationship:
- Being away
- Show indifference
- Stop any romance
- Slowly moving away
- Behave in such a way that they (i.e. the partner) independently understand that this person wants to end the relationship.
- Gradually reduce contact and meetings
- Showing something is wrong
- Creating tension and arguments to start discussions about ending the relationship
2. We would be better off going our separate ways
This direct and honest approach is about acceptance and moving forward. Examples include:
- Saying that there is no point in wasting our time trying, we should divorce
- We say it’s best for both of us to move on and live separate lives
- Saying that I can’t continue our relationship anymore
- We had a great time together, but now we have to go our separate ways
- I don’t think our relationship has a future
3. Seeing you as a Friend
This soft method recasts the relationship as a friendship:
- It is said that they are more friends than intimate partners
- I want to be friends
4. Avoiding face-to-face communication
These divorces used indirect communication – text, phone or third parties:
- Sending a breakup text
- I want to call and divorce
- Asking a mutual friend to break the news
5. Explain the reasons
These types of divorces often include:
- Open, honest discussion about feelings and problems
- Discuss and explain why I want a divorce
- Be honest with them about the reasons
- Discussing the reasons why I don’t feel good in this relationship
- Discussing why I am not good at this relationship
- A direct explanation of how I feel
- Explaining how I feel and discussing their thoughts on our breakup
- Talk face to face
- Saying directly that I want a divorce
6. Ghosting
Some people cut off all contact suddenly and without any explanation:
- Disappearance
- Leaving suddenly without warning
- Cutting turn off all contacts
- Not answering their texts or calls
7. Taking the blame
Some people took responsibility for softening the emotional blow:
- I want a breakup and want to take responsibility for why the relationship isn’t moving forward
- Saying You Want a Divorce (But Without Blaming Them)
- They didn’t do anything wrong, but my feelings changed
- I want a divorce and say they are responsible for this ending (Note: reverse scoring)
Relationships are important reading
8. Betrayal
Some contestants ended things by cheating or revealing a new romantic interest:
- They say I cheated them
- Saying you’re interested in someone else
9. Break
Non-final divorces involve creating space to think before making a permanent decision:
- It would be better to stay away from each other for a while to see how we feel
- Saying that I need time to think about our relationship
Most and least preferred divorce strategies
The preferred strategy: “softening the blow”
The results show that the most preferred strategy was to soften the blow. This strategy involves explaining the breakup, taking responsibility, and framing it as mutually beneficial. It aims to reduce emotional damage by offering closure and empathy. Research suggests that it may have evolutionary roots; for example, women may have historically used this approach to reduce the risk of retaliation from their male partners.
Second preference: “Take a break”
This method suggests a temporary pause rather than a final termination. It helps partners to distinguish between their feelings, for example, between romance and friendship. However, it may cause uncertainty and may not be compatible with the other partner’s wishes.
Least Favorite: “Avoid Collision”
This includes strategies such as daydreaming or emotional withdrawal. These approaches may reflect the dynamics of contemporary relationships shaped by urban lifestyles, digital communication, and changing social norms. Although convenient, they can be insensitive and harmful.
Dark triad and separation styles
Research has shown that it is high Machiavellianismone The dark triad traits are associated with a preference for emotionally distant strategies. And high psychopathy associated with manipulation and a tendency to place the blame on the partner.
These findings are generally consistent with previous research on how people are The dark triad Characteristics to break separation; to stop.
Practical implications
People often use disengagement strategies to reduce conflict and emotional damage.
The divorce strategy usually depends on the nature of the relationship and the characteristics of the partner. For example, avoiding confrontation in short-term relationships or choosing to “take a break” when feeling uncertain. Feelings of the partner, such as being clingy or aggressive, can also influence the smoothing or indirect resolution of the breakup.
Understanding these breakup strategies and common ways to end relationships can help us navigate difficult breakups, choose less damaging strategies, and maintain respect in ongoing relationships (eg, partnerships).parenthood).
