At best, friendship provides a number of positive benefits, such as friendship, stress reduction and emotional support. But they can also have a dark side – characterized by manipulation, exclusion and strong coercion.
The cost of having a toxic friend is really high. This relationship can cause confusion, guiltand self-blame and lead to academic and professional underperformance, social withdrawal, and feelings of instability.
But what is it really like to be in poison? friendship? This was the central question of the study conducted by researchers Mohammad Arifin and Andi Muspida. They say that breaking up with toxic friends is not an easy task. the lower part of aggression can be difficult to identify and often are unconscious pressure to stay in it. But, the authors say, if you know what to look for, you have a better chance of shutting down before long-term damage is done.
To this end, colleagues began their study by recruiting undergraduate students who had experienced or were currently in toxic friendships. Participants were between the ages of 19 and 24 and experienced grief, manipulation or peer pressure in their social circles. In the final count, there were eight participants (five women and three men). The researchers conducted face-to-face, in-depth interviews, followed by thematic analysis.
The participants’ stories yielded three main themes, which are summarized below.
1. Emotional exhaustion
Toxic friendships made participants chronically emotionally draining, especially if they were long-term. They described this relationship as manipulative, passive-aggressivefull of exclusion and peer pressure.
The weight of these dark dynamics led to cycles worry and self-doubt. One participant said, “I knew he wasn’t treating me right, but I thought the problem was me. I didn’t want to lose my place in the group, so I kept quiet.”
The analysis also showed that participants’ emotional exhaustion increased over time, leading to academic and social withdrawal and even mental health crises.
2. Fulfillment of membership
This theme covered the paradoxical experience of “seeing but not seeing”. The interviewees stayed in their toxic friendships because they feared becoming socially invisible. They saw belonging to a harmful peer group as a better option than being socially isolated. Our interviewee said: “I felt like a background character in my own life. They only noticed me when they had to pick on someone, but I still clung to the idea that I at least belonged somewhere.”
3. Moments of agency and emotional detachment
Despite the emotional weight, some interviewees reported moments of deep reflection and gradual separation from toxic friends. This is where these places of growing clarity came from tiredness or validation from a non-toxic person in their life. A participant said, “When someone from another class said, ‘You’re really kind,’ it really shocked me. I realized that I don’t have to accept being treated badly.”
The key for participants to regain their sense of self is to recognize their value and worth.
Arafin and Muspida conclude their study by highlighting why toxic relationships can take root so stubbornly: the internal conflict between the desire to belong and the costs of staying in a harmful relationship.
