Suffering from the same old destructive mental patterns. You will never find your true purpose. Toxic canceling relationships. Feeling disconnected from your deeper self. Existential fear, loneliness, depression and exhaustion…
All these sorrows are directly observable the main wound of separation.
Separation from being real loved. Separation from being real saw. Separation from being real is appreciated.
When we are not seen, loved, or valued as children in our precious individuality—when we become mere objects in the mental projections of those we care for, or “things” use and control – we experience a deep internal fracture of the psyche.
It’s a break”division” in various psychological areas and it leads us to accept it unconsciously artificial role to survive and be “acceptable”.
This is known as a role false self.
Let’s look at it in more detail.
Trigger warning: This article discusses the different types of deep wounds. If for some reason you don’t have the space to address your pain right now, or if you don’t want to feel the uncomfortable feelings that might come up while reading this post, this may not be the right article for you right now.
Why You Still Feel Broken, Invisible, and Alone (I-It Relationships)
The deepest wound you and I carry invisibilityattached as a cherished and uniquely loved person, but is being treated as a replacement object – as This – in the eyes of those who raised us.
This basic wound can be summarized as follows words philosopher Martin Buber (emphasis mine):
In I-You attitude, the second not an object but a existence.
Compare this with:
It’s me possible nalways have a real relationship – it’s always about allocation, control or use.
To summarize:
When we encounter another person as a human indeed, not as an object of usewe become fully human.
So what happens when we grow up to be treated as “objects to be used”?
As a result, we develop a a great, gnawing, aching wound in our center, It’s something we try to hide, pretend it’s not there, and avoid all our lives.
This basic primal wound manifests as emotions emptiness, hopelessness, worthlessness, loneliness, sleeplessness and hopelessness, it destroys a sense of love, purpose, and sanity.
When we are treated as ‘it’ and not as ‘you’ – when we need to be loved as we are turn down our uniqueness, our lovability, our humanity—we are deprived of our ability to truly see and appreciate ourselves.
It is a lack of empathic attunement and sensitive reflection As children, it is not surprising that there are so many of us grows as lost and alone.
No wonder we have an epidemic of mental health, addiction, self-loathing, and disconnection from our inner light, our deepest selves.
My experience with a core core lesion
Now that we both see what it’s like to be parents to a young child, I see how precious and fragile our first days, weeks, and months are.
I also feel deep sadness, anger and loneliness It comes up when I think about my upbringing and gaps in empathic communication.
I grew up in a fundamentalist religious family, where parents did the best they could with the level of awareness they had, measuring my worth against their dogma and validating my reality only when it matched the truth. their likes, preferences and belief system.
I carry the main wound of never feeling truly “seen,” but only through the lens of a toxic belief system that divides the world perfect / imperfect, right / wrong, saints / sinners, and heaven / hell.
Of course, I was beaten a lot as a child – with a hand, a wooden spoon and a riding whip. But as a thin girl, the physical violation of boundaries wasn’t what hurt the most.
What hurt me the most was the deep loneliness of never having been truly mirrored, truly witnessed, or truly loved in my own identity.. A feeling like never before. The feeling of never knowing. I never felt witnessed or embraced.
Also, having a belief system that destroys my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual autonomy, replacing it with a fearful submission to an eternal hell, has led me this way. core belief development this “I’m generally bad.”
And from that belief came endless mental and emotional health struggles like depression, anxiety, self-harm, OCD, and many existential crises—many of which I learned through divine intervention. healing throughh deep inner work and Self integration.
Through the “trial by fire” of parenthood that Mateo and I have been going through, we have begun to see how deep the underlying wound can be. each life size.
What type of primary wound do you have?
The old adage “give your demons a name so they no longer have as much power over you” applies here.
The best place to start treating your primary wound is, Your earliest fracture, within what to call type the wound you have.
Below I have compiled a list of the main major injuries.
Take a moment to ground yourself, then read the list and see which ones speak to you, especially as a child:
- Abandonment wound – falling behind physically or emotionally.
- Rejection wound – feeling unwanted and therefore withdrawing from others or becoming a people pleaser.
- The wound of betrayal – loss of trust due to lies or broken promises.
- Humiliation wound – to embarrass, put down or belittle.
- A wound of neglect – physical, mental or emotional neglect.
- A wound of unworthiness – feeling that you are not naturally good enough.
- A wound of shame – feeling fundamentally broken or “bad”.
- Isolation wound – believing that you are fundamentally alone or very strange/different.
- A wound of weakness – feeling vulnerable and unable to defend yourself, which leads to a sense of learned helplessness.
- The wound of invisibility – feeling like you’re not really seen or appreciated for who you really are.
Pause to breathe and center yourself. How does it feel to give a name to your deepest inner pain? Practice self-care and allow whatever comes up inside of you—it’s all right and important to feel.
(Also, if you think I missed any major injuries, let me know in the comments below.)
In addition, you can familiarize yourself with a series of wounds above. This is normal because the underlying wound is complex. And so, you can and you likeYou have more than one of these traumas (for example, humiliation and betrayal often go hand in hand)such as abandonment and incompetence).
However, finding one word This can be a powerful way to cement this awareness in your psyche that crystallizes what you have experienced and begin a powerful path of healing.
Deep down, all of these wounds go back to the original wound of separation: the disconnection from love, belonging, and security.
The great paradox: your wound is your medicine
Paradoxically, despite the excruciating pain of the underlying wound and the chaos it brings to our lives, it is also our medicine; our way home.
In the words of the Sufi poet Rumi,
A wound is where the Light enters you.
Within this deep inner crack is the unique doorway to the wisdom, love, and truth of your deepest Self—the center of your being.
As the sage Lao Tzu wrote.
At the center of your being, you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want.
Tell me, what would change in your life if you could truly heal the disconnection wound you feel inside?
I would love to hear from you below and explore this topic with you more in the future.
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Note: The comments section is a safe place that welcomes anyone who wants to share. Due to the sensitive nature of this thread, I have a “zero tolerance” policy for judgmental comments, which will be deleted if they appear. Thanks for keeping this place warm and welcoming.
