Figuring out what others think of you is painful. Still, worrying about what other people think of you can be a positive thing. Three scenarios help to distinguish between correction and care.
First, worrying about what others think of you is a positive tendency when those people mean a lot to you. Conversely, focusing on what strangers or acquaintances think of you can be a problem. Knowing what your close friends and loved ones think about you will help you build healthy relationships with those close to you.
For example, Molly and her daughter have a bad relationship, and her daughter is deeply disappointed that she has to cancel an event that is important to her. After they both calm down, Molly sympathizes with her daughter’s feelings and apologizes for her daughter getting angry about it. They hug him. Despite this, Molly still feels uncomfortable because of her daughter’s misunderstandings and concerns distrust him. She thinks about the situation and creatively figures out a way to get her daughter to her event.
If Molly believes that she is the mother and that her word is final and resents her daughter for pushing her back, she cannot empathize and strategize about a solution that supports her daughter. Because Molly cares about what her loved one thinks and feels, she does things to protect intimacy and trust in the relationship.
It’s important to note that constantly worrying about what your loved one is thinking, calming down, and focusing on the level of victimization for those who hurt you may be a sign that you’re making amends, and it may not be healthy.
Humility and social awareness
Second, caring about other people’s opinions can be a good indicator of your humility. People who are completely indifferent to the thoughts and feelings of others lack social awareness. Because they don’t care what people think, they tend to be apathetic, unscrupulous, and perhaps more prone to making disrespectful gestures or gestures. It is important to be aware of the people around you and consider how your actions and words affect others. It’s not your job to take care of others, but it’s important to be considerate.
For example, Dale attends tennis practice every Tuesday morning. When it’s full, there’s often a short line of people between courts waiting for someone to make a mistake and have to leave the court. If there are players in line, he makes sure to go to the back of the line. However, his tennis friend Billy walks up to the lane and mills around for a minute. Then, seeing an opening ahead of those in line, he hops onto the field. Also, if Dale is responsible for a play that goes wrong, he will take responsibility for it and walk off the court. Billy always thinks it’s his partner’s fault and resists going on the court. His partner has no choice but to leave.
Although Dale isn’t close with anyone in this tennis group, he cares about them because he sees them regularly and wants everyone to hang out and have fun; then he will have more fun too. Unlike Billy, he believes that if people are treated fairly, they will return the favor, and they usually do.
In this case, caring about what others think comes under the umbrella of social awareness emotionally intelligent quality. Let it be Dale conscientious and respect others.
The roots of fixation
Third, the tendency to care too much about what other people think about you can come from problematic reasons. attachment relationship For example, having an attachment figure whose love is conditional—that is, they only approve of you when you say, think, and feel—will force them to mirror you so they don’t reject you.
This tendency often lowers your emotional state self confidenceit may cause you to censor your thoughts and feelings in order to appease your problematic relationship number. Although this habit may carry over into your relationships with adults, it is important to understand where this tendency comes from and why it is so ingrained. This knowledge allows you to gain self-compassion and process and restore difficult attachment relationships.
Finally, it should be noted that sometimes what others think of you can be an important part of life. Accepting and learning from others allows you to be more conscientious and aware of those around you. This is especially important if it is a close relationship or someone you interact with regularly. This social awareness is important and can be a sign that you are emotionally intelligent. If this tendency is “excessive” due to a painful attachment, your knowledge of this will help you process and let go of difficult experiences with this person and move forward with a clear purpose. conscience and better boundaries with others. More information on this important topic can be found in my book, How to get crazy a A narcissistUse emotions Intellect At home, at work and in life.
