From a psychological point of view, twins Geminis are born as individuals who are passionate about their individuality, the fun and comfort of having someone who understands them deeply. Side by side and intertwined, both identities continue to grow and mature together. Once a twin, always a twin, although the nature of the twin relationship changes over time and with environmental and internal stress, necessitating many important life changes.
Unlike singletons, individuality develops in the context of being a twin. And despite the great need for the closeness that twins share, twinship always includes individuality. In contrast, I always consult with an older twin who wants to imagine what it would be like to grow up alone. He wonders how different his decisions would be if he had no one to think about what to do. But I can only speculate about the state of loneliness, since I myself am a twin, and I would like to answer his question. Unfortunately, although I’ve really tried, I haven’t found the answer yet.
When I look in the mirror I always see my sister staring at me and she sees me staring at her. Do we stare at each other or is that a side effect of being twins? I often say to myself, “Try not to see him,” but I naturally cannot. I just have to make a real effort to see myself. I can’t explain how I can be alone in the mirror.
I have to admit that I often see myself in the mirror without my sister, but if I’m in a bad mood, I avoid mirrors. Sometimes I can’t forget that I’m a twin. I know in my heart that we are two very different people personality–wise and intellectual. I want to resolve my need to be alone in the mirror, afraid that I am only half of a whole person.
Getting help to understand my twinship issues
Childhood never had a twin stressful When I was older and I realized that I was different from non-twins. I tried my best to fit in with the other non-twin students. I spent less time with my sister. We made our own friends. We still cherished and looked forward to our closeness. Little by little we learned that being together all the time can be suffocating.
When I search therapy As a young woman in my early twenties, I was at a loss person as a twin and as an individual. My sister and I finally separated verbally/metaphorically and physically as she went to Sweden where she was collaborating on a sculpture with her artist husband. We wrote to each other, but there was no internet for e-mail and phone calls were very expensive. I tried not to miss him, my children and my husband helped me. No matter how I tried, there was a fear that haunted me. No one understood my discomfort. He wasn’t around to eat ice cream or listen to my fights with my husband and give me advice. I was alone and I wanted to go through this painful space feeling loss Missing my sister’s perspective often led to confusion in decision-making.
I found out the hard way that dealing with being a twin isn’t as easy as I thought. The twin replacement provided some relief from the loss of my twin, however loneliness always came back. I was trying to figure out what the problems were when I was a twin. In graduate school, my PhD advisor told me to write about something I knew a lot about, and I came up with the idea of writing about being a twin. My writing (both in books and online) and my estranged twin study groups have had a profound effect on me and have helped me realize that I am not half of a whole person, psychologically speaking. For me, being apart from my twin was liberating and very precious. It took years, but I slowly learned to take care of myself. I gained insight into the struggles most twins face in a non-twin world. My writing about twins has given hope to many struggling twins that they are not alone in their twin struggles. In fact, not all twins are compatible, and many twins are separated.
I now know that being (not) alone in the mirror is just one of the difficult aspects of being a twin. There are many wonderful and joyful aspects of Gemini that can be enjoyed without feeling bad about singletons. It’s very common to argue with your twin and feel like an outsider, and it’s not a sign that you’re a “failure” as a twin. You can learn to communicate with your twin, but not fear his or her humiliation. This requires time and attention to communication, as well as support from other twins or people who work with twins.
Don’t give up your personality
My book Alone in the mirror The paperback explains in detail why twins are afraid of being alone and being too close to each other. I share stories from my life and the lives of the twins I work with, and offer ways to protect yourself from overdependence and loneliness. I hope to study Alone in the mirror helps twins and those closely related in their lives understand twin dilemmas and the twin struggles of living in a non-twin world.
Understanding Gemini Basic Readings
Recommendations that work to promote individual identity and twin intimacy
1. Do not share all your personal things, friends and ideas with your twin.
2. Explain to your twin what things and ideas belong only to you.
3. Spend enough alone time with people you are close to without your twin. I think this time is not lonely; it’s time to not hesitate.
4. Talk about how the comparisons and questions about you and your twin affected you.
5. Find places you and your twin don’t share.
6. Give advice to your twin, but don’t insist that they follow your advice.
7. Set aside special time to be alone with your twin and try to be ready to connect then.
