Stop it. Stop it. There are different theories about when to stop dating because you’ve seen enough and settle for the best available. One of them is the optimal stop theory from mathematics, which gave rise to the 37% rule. This rule states that once you have seen 37% of what you want to see, you have enough information to make a decision. But is this rule close to 100% accurate?
The 37% rule comes from optimal stop theory
Dating may not be a “normal” problem. But the theory of optimal stopping shows it as a “pattern”. Before you start dating, you have no idea what you have, no real world role models for them. Advertisingrom-coms and social networks may say there is a prince or princess out there for you. But once you actually start dating to sample, you may find that’s not the case.
However, at some point you may want some sort of breakpoint. After all, you can’t meet everyone in the world. And you can have a clear life goals they are time sensitive. The initial goal of dating is to at least have a large enough sample to tell you what to expect. This pattern will help you clarify your expectations and tell you when you finally meet someone you might be comfortable with.
Optimal stopping theory sets this sample size at 37% of the total number of interest based on mathematical calculations. It goes to show that if you have to choose from 100 different possible options, you need to pick and just observe 37 before you have enough information about what to choose going forward. The first 37 serve as calibration samples. So the next time you find something as good as or better than the best in the top 37%, optimal stop theory says to pick it. This is because any further search results in diminishing returns and the probability of finding something better is low.
How to calculate 37%
Numbering your dating days like this might sound simple in theory, but it can be complicated in practice. For example, what number do you multiply 37% by to get your stop number? This will not be the total number of people in existence on Earth, because it is still in the hundreds of millions. And you probably don’t have enough sleek lines or clothes to go on that many dates.
One suggestion was to get the total number of dates you can definitely go on in a selected time period. Let’s say it’s once a week for a year. Excluding major holiday weeks such as Groundhog’s Day, this could mean a total of 50 dates. Multiplying this by 37% yields about 19 dates as a calibration sample. So if you went on 19 dates without letting them move forward, you now have a comparison pattern for 20 and beyond.
Another suggestion was to multiply 37% by the amount of time you want to spend finding your partner. Let’s say it’s ten years. Then the first three years, eight months and 12 days will be your calibration sample. When you enter the selection stage on the 13th day of the ninth month.
Problems with the 37% rule
As you can see, the calculation of 37% is not absolutely 100% simple. It does not even count the number of dates. Unless you’re spending your days inside a cinder block cell that only appears for dates, chances are you’ll run into other people in “really date” settings to help you determine your expectations. So the questions are what is the top 37% and how much variation and uncertainty can there be in the math?
In addition, it is difficult to predict when the right thing will come into your life. What if it’s before you hit 37% or after you think you hit 100%? This 37% rule can torpedo all high school and college sweethearts.
This 37% dating rule also ignores other things that happen a large percentage of the time. You, your self-concept, your life circumstances, and thus your dating pool and preferences can change over time, especially before you really know yourself. For example, my naïve and misguided dating attempts in my 20s left me with a skewed pattern that didn’t match my true self. And the comedian joked that if he had met his longtime partner today, he probably wouldn’t have asked for a second date.
How to use the 37% rule
Therefore, the best way to apply the 37% rule is how to solve many of the so-called dating rules: loosely. Not in a relaxed all-come-and-take kind of way. However, rather than a rule to be followed hard and fast, it may suggest some general principles.
One of those principles is to give yourself enough time to see what’s out there before diving into a lifetime commitment. The second principle is the opposite. Don’t always think something better will come along. Don’t keep banning monkeys, I mentioned this earlier in my post. “A funny bone to pick.” You might want to do this if you’ve already found someone you’re a perfect match for. This implies that you are able to make a promise to someone.
This does not mean that mathematics cannot be used to describe various things around us. Mathematics must be complex enough to accommodate all the complexities and factors of real life. When the math used is too simple, things don’t add up and existing problems can multiply.
