During the flow Does this exist? Last night on Hulu I wish Alex and Tess Novak were mine therapy customers.
Starring Will Arnett and Laura Dern, and directed by Bradley Cooper (who also plays Alex’s brother), the film opens with a matter-of-fact but consequential resolution: the end of 20 years. marriage.
Divorce manifests itself with a specific emotional level, which is sometimes frustrating. Tess’s expression rarely changed from frowning to despair. Alex only revives in an unexpected new arena – stand-up comedy, where he begins to process the marriage and her death not with his wife, but in front of strangers. The practical aspects of their life together are strangely ambiguous. Alex often wears a suit, Tess is a stay-at-home mom, but Alex’s professional life remains invisible, as does any financial strain. Their beautiful home and the relative ease of divorce are a far cry from the constraints most couples face.
And yet, despite these gaps, the film captures an important point: marriage is a difficult and ongoing endeavor, even though we’re often socialized to think of it as a “happily ever after.”
More surprisingly, the story hints at a quieter, less-examined reality: Some divorces may not happen.
Most people absolutely do. But others appear when two people begin to misjudge their dissatisfaction – fatigue, depressionloss person— to perceived shortcomings of the partner.
As I watched Alex and Tess, I found myself confronted with uncinematic and clinical questions: Why can Alex be so present and emotionally honest on stage, but so distant at home? Why is Tess waiting for the crisis to revive her once-important part as a coach and former Olympian? Why does Alex seem to be more attracted to Tess’ past self than her present self? Why does Tess notice Alex more when he’s interested in someone else?
A few scenes in, I found myself thinking: I can help this couple! Give me a few hours with them!
This impulse is part fantasypartly a professional reflex – talking about something real about marriage. When couples struggle, especially during the difficult years of raising children, it’s easy to lose sight of the differences between them. discomfort in relationships and individual stagnation. The two are often linked together, but they are not the same.
In my work, when married couples struggle to connect, I share an observation that sometimes surprises people. About ten years later break upindividuals who have not left abusive family situations, addictionor chronic infidelity is often reflected with painful clarity: if they had understood how difficult the breakup would be—logistically, emotionally, and relationally—they would have done things differently. Not harder in the angry sense, but deeper. With more humility, more flexibility, and a greater willingness to examine contributions to impasses.
This is not an argument against divorce. Instead, it’s an argument for emotionally mature cognition.
After the initial phase of infatuation passes, every close relationship will eventually experience friction. Staying—negotiating difference, enduring disappointment, and continuing to grow with the other person—is demanding. But it is one of the main ways we develop as individuals. And when a couple is able to find a way to balance work and parenthood and support each other as a team, there is nothing better than honesty.
Does this exist? may not fully explore the inner lives of its characters, but it points to a reality that therapists witness every day: Sometimes the question isn’t whether a relationship is broken, but whether the people inside it have stopped growing. And whether the people inside it are willing to dig deep to fix it.
If you and your partner are struggling with disconnection and chronic cramping, try streaming this movie and discuss what it’s all about. To find a therapist, Visit the Psychology Therapy Directory today.
