Refers to “core character energy”. trust, charismaand the confidence we often see in the main characters in our favorite books, shows, and movies. Embracing protagonist energy means taking a leading role in your life rather than living as a supporting actor for others. Although this is usually aspirational, one can only go too far.
take”Sex and Carrie Bradshaw of “The City”. She is charming, funny and often very cute. At the same time, she is too selfish to be the center of attention. She can turn any conversation into a discussion about herself and strives for a high-class appearance. attention. The energy of his main character (also called very high extraversion) is the power and commitment that causes problems in his intimate relationships.
The hidden cost of high extraversion
People high in extraversion approach the world with energy and excitement. They tend to talk, strictlyand emotionally expressive, often works well in professional and social settings. Sounds great, right?
But personality research tells us that very high extraversion is not necessarily a positive thing. For example, thrill seeking This makes extroverts so drawn to social situations that it can manifest as saying yes to plans you later regret, or canceling comments if possible.
Later, extroverts seek stimulation and variety, which can stifle routine tasks and create restlessness in relationships that don’t always offer something new.
Finally, high extroversion is often accompanied by a strong attraction to the center of attention, which can inadvertently crowd out the people around you.
Being the center of attention
What can you do if your high level of extroversion leads to an advantage over others in professional or personal settings? First, consider your values in the relationship. How do you want to feel after the conversation? How do you want others to treat you?
Sometimes the rush we get from expressing our ideas or making someone laugh comes at the expense of those around us. For example, maybe your co-worker meant well to contribute, but they couldn’t find a word, and now they’re frustrated. Or maybe your friend loves a new acquaintance and you’re doing everything at happy hour.
We often do things that feel good in the short term, but in the long run, lead us away from our values. This awareness is a necessary first step.
Next, set up behavioral experiments that challenge yourself to allow others to shine. Perhaps only after you have had a chance to talk with others will you come to an agreement with yourself to contribute to this weekly meeting. Or, if you find yourself starting to talk at the same time as someone else, give them the floor. When you structure these experiences around your own values (e.g. I empower others; People see me as funny) will be easier to sit back.
Adjusting the frame, not turning the key
It can be helpful to think of your level of extraversion as a dial that you can adjust according to the needs of the situation. Instead of trying to play it all down, you’re learning to be more aware of when you should take center stage or play a supporting role to others.
