We think of overthinking as an overactive mind filled with worst-case scenarios. Sometimes it happens. But often overthinking wears a more friendly guise. Yes, overthinking often manifests itself as trying to be careful, responsible, and make the “right” decision.
Think about how many of these ideas are familiar?
Read and count out loud how many of these thoughts sometimes overwhelm you and influence you, causing you to miss valuable opportunities.
“What if I fail?”
“I’m not ready.”
– What if people judge me?
“I have to be 100 percent sure.”
“What if they’re disappointed?”
“What if I regret it?”
“What if there was a better option?”
“Should I think about it a little more?”
So before you say, “Dr. Jeff means we should always go into life with our first instinct and be impulsive,” please do me a favor. Don’t listen to my message by the seat of your pants and tell you to fly through life recklessly. No, I do not mean that any of the above points are “bad”. They all have value in the right context. The problem arises when they become regular cognitive pathways in your mind rather than occasional visitors.
False security trap
Many people subconsciously believe that if they think long enough, prepare hard enough, or analyze hard enough, they can overcome uncertainty. But we all know that life is not guaranteed. No thinking can guarantee a perfect result, universal approval or error-free decision making. In fact, based on my 35 years as a psychologist, I’ve seen that seeking clarity through my clients’ eyes leads to delayed decisions, missed opportunities, and stuckness long after it’s time to move forward.
The price of overthinking
Go back to the list of thoughts I’ve provided and remember this: every repetitive thought has a hidden price. We’re talking big time emotional/behavioral consequences for your spiraling thoughts. “What if I fail?” may interfere with your attempt. – What if people judge me? will keep you silent. And “What if someone is disappointed?” can lead you into the people-pleasing trap. Over time, these thoughts—if you let them—will steal your life.
The good news is that one of the strategies I discuss in my book, Freeing your child from overthinkingapplies to all ages, learning not to automatically obey these thoughts, but to notice them. So instead of arguing with the serious, negative, worry– I thought, check it out. You might say, “My ‘What if I fail?’ thought.” Or: “Here’s my ‘must be 100 percent sure’ opinion.” This creates valuable distance between you and such thoughts. Most importantly, you stop looking at each thought as a command and begin to see it as a mental activity that may or may not be worthy of your reality. attention.
The Take Away
The goal is not to eliminate anxious thoughts. This is to recognize them faster. Because as soon as a thought is caught, it begins to loosen its grip.
