A relatively new term, armed incompetence got a lot attention in the past few years. My students love to discuss this, especially in context genderbecause it often refers to conventions and excuses that divide labor unfairly.
What is this?
Husbands and boyfriends are just that can’t fold the laundry to the right. They just are can’t get the right stuff from the store. They just are can’t remember pediatrician appointments. And when they try, “Oops, I messed that up. I guess you’re going to have to do it.”
The list is endless, but brutal incompetence forces my students, mostly women, to do these tasks. Over time, feigned incompetence creates a mountain of tasks that builds up along with frustration.
It goes beyond the relationship
Armed impotence is not just a relationship phenomenon. It applies to almost any situation in which a gifted person seems inexplicably fair can’t do something right, including the work environment.
This fellow is just that can’t seems to do the job right, so you do it for them every time. Your classmate is just that can’t Figure out how to format citations for your group presentation so that another group member can do it for them. Sound familiar?
This is not new
Although the term itself provides a level of understanding that we have not explored before, armed incompetence is not new. Psychology has always had such concepts as social loafing and self-handicapping. learned weaknessand many other such things.
Basically, armed incompetence is just another form of manipulation, something psychology has long studied. Don’t you want to do something? Say you can’t. And this is the main thing: it is not in inability, but in unwillingness. It sounds like “I can’t,” but it’s really “I won’t” wrapped in excuses.
This has consequences
Armed incompetence creates a fundamentally unequal environment. In this context, it is clear that it has an emotional impact on the people it encounters. And, because it often works as a manipulative tool, it can be a sign of abuse.
In personal relationships, work relationships, or other situations, this dynamic often results in the “I can’t do it” overwork to make up for the underachiever. This is not sustainable. One person cannot do it all.
Focus on frustration, fatigue, and recent events.
It’s more than simple tasks
Despite the popularity of the topic, discussions focus on only a superficial definition of the problem. Armed incompetence goes far beyond household and work duties. It is not as clear or simple as we imagine.
Includes basic relationship skills such as armed incompetence emotional intelligencecommunication and commitment. “I just can’t give you what you need.” “I just can’t treat you right.” “I just can’t communicate.”
No, you won’t be.
Armed incompetence gets people out of a lot more than washing dishes. This relieves them from providing their partners with basic needs. It is a refusal to participate in or contribute to a healthy relationship. Not wanting to put in the effort and effort to get there. In the context of work, it gets you out of your job.
It depends on the gender
If we are to truly address armed incompetence, we must recognize it for what it is. This means we need to understand competence. Most people have some level of competence.
Since this is a gender phenomenon, it means acknowledging that yes, men can communicate. Yes, men are capable of developing emotions intelligence. We all are.
Armed incompetence is not only used by men, it is often used. Gender norms support and perpetuate it, resulting in an extremely heavy workload for women. And when we realize how deep it is, we discover that it is also work emotional in nature. One person cannot and should not be responsible for all relationships, feelings managementetc. in relationships.
It’s just unbearable, but so many relationships revolve around this dynamic.
We are missing the mark
Without fully analyzing how widely and how deeply armed incompetence is, we miss the mark. Admitting that you use it to avoid housework and work duties is an important first step, but it doesn’t go far enough. A large number of partners and colleagues are experiencing the heavy emotional and psychological workload of what should be shared labor.
Armed incompetence is essential reading
True, not everyone can do everything perfectly. Some people may feel incompetent. Of course, some people are better at things like empathy than others. Some need more grace. Some need more knowledge, time and practice to develop these skills. That’s why we care about equality, not equality.
But everyone possible whatever it takes to build and maintain healthy relationships in your personal life, work, and more. Everyone can do their best. Someone who uses armed incompetence ignores the real question and forces us to accept an answer we never asked for. Question: “Can you?” it’s not. The real question is, “Do you want to?”
