By Sheri McVeigh and Jonathan Santo
Most parents worry about grades. Others worry screen time, social networksor whether their teen is spending too much time on the Internet. Nevertheless, one of the most powerful factors that can affect the well-being of a teenager can be something much more basic:
Does the teenager feel connected to the people and communities around them?
When we recently studied cyberbullying among nearly 29,000 teenagers in nine countries (McVay et al., 2025)we were interested in understanding how online victimization affects youth well-being. We expected that cyberbullying would be associated with school-related problems. It was.
But what caught us attention it was the nature of grief. Adolescents who experienced higher levels of cyberbullying were more likely to report feeling alone at school, awkward and out of place and like outsiders who don’t fit in. Although these experiences have been measured as indicators of school-related distress, they point to a broader developmental question:
What happens when young people begin to feel disconnected from the communities around them?
A basic human need
For decades, psychologists have argued that the need to belong is one of the most basic human motivations. (Baumeister and Leary, 1995). Human beings naturally seek to form meaningful social relationships and feel accepted by those around them. In many ways, belonging is as important as food for psychological well-being and shelter for physical survival.
Although belonging is important throughout life, it becomes especially important during this time adolescence (Wang and Holcomb, 2010). This developmental period is characterized by dramatic physical, emotional, cognitive, and social changes. Friendship takes more and more central place. Peer approval carries more weight. Young people begin to study questions personrelationships and their place in the world.
Interestingly, before the teenagers answered the question, “Who I am?” they often try to answer, “Where do I belong?”
Self-determination theory (SDT, Ryan and Deci, 2000) suggests that relatedness or belonging (ie, the experience of being connected to and valued by others) is one of the three basic psychological needs necessary for healthy functioning and well-being. When this need is met, adolescents are more likely to thrive. When there is a threat, there is often a challenge.
Affiliation and school experience
Belonging is more than just having friends.
This is a feeling that is important to you. It is the belief that you will be accepted, valued and respected by the people around you. It’s about feeling like there’s a place that fits you.
Schools play a particularly important role in shaping this experience. Research has shown that school affiliation is associated with greater academic performance motivationstronger engagement, better achievement and improved psychological well-being (Allen et al., 2018).
If teens feel connected to their school community, they are more likely to participate in class, ask for help when needed, develop positive relationships, and approach problems. trust. After all, belonging serves as a psychological anchor during a period of life often characterized by uncertainty and change.
The hidden meaning behind cyberbullying
Much of the public conversation about cyberbullying focuses on the behavior itself: malicious messages, embarrassing photos, exclusion from group chats, or rumors spread on the Internet. These experiences are undoubtedly painful. However, they can be harmful for reasons other than immediate emotional distress.
Basically, cyberbullying often conveys a strong social message: “You will not be searched here.”
Unlike many traditional forms bullyingcyberbullying can happen in front of a large audience and follow teenagers wherever they go. A derogatory post can be shared over and over again. A student may determine that he or she has been excluded from the interview. Rumors can spread in minutes. These experiences provide more than emotional trauma. They can make young people question their place in their peer groups and school communities.
Basic Readings in Adolescence
Why connectivity is important
Communication influences how adolescents interpret and respond to life’s challenges. A young person who feels supported and valued may view negative social interactions as temporary setbacks. In contrast, a young person who feels lonely may use the same experience as proof that he doesn’t fit in or is radically different from others. This distinction is important.
Adolescents who are connected to others express themselves more endurancestronger emotional adjustment and better overall well-being. They are more likely to seek help in difficult times and less likely to face difficulties alone. In other words, communication does not eliminate adversity, but it can change how one experiences adversity.
Connecting through everyday moments
The encouraging news is that communication is often established through simple interactions rather than extraordinary interventions.
A teacher who remembers a student’s name.
A classmate who invites someone to a group.
A coach who feels left out by a player.
A parent who listens without trying to solve the problem immediately.
These seemingly small actions mean powerful things:
“You are important.”
Over time, repeated experiences of acceptance and inclusion help adolescents develop confidence in their relationships and strengthen their connections to the people and communities around them.
A question worth asking
As adults, we often focus on whether our teens are succeeding academically, behaving properly, or staying safe online. These are important concerns. But our findings suggest that another question worth asking might be: Do they feel connected?
The answer may say more about their well-being than we imagine.
