My father was a gambler. He did not consider his actions reckless. It had many highs and lows. I felt every one.
His gambling took many forms. He went against legal advice and lost everything when I turned thirteen. We suddenly moved across the country to live with my older sister and her husband. When he was young, he and my brother went through such difficult times. I hesitate to say that what I experienced was worse, but I know it to be true: my father’s carelessness developed along with her own carelessness. rejection.
My father hid himself shame Loss through fantasy and grief, and my mother through neediness and cruelty angerincluding anger towards me. After we moved out, they had a combustible relationship, and the intensity waned for decades, right up until his death.
Dad was both a hard worker and a dreamer, a valuable combination in work and life, but what he did was his tendency to believe in overcoming adversity and “getting through.” Distorted thinking and the illusion of control are traits common to many drug addicts. But gambling is a money problem – a man who dips his toe and is sucked up to his neck is miserable. In fact, even the family treatment approach differs from many other addictions in one important area: separation from resources. If a partner finds out about gambling debts, it is recommended that if possible they separate finances and the non-addicted spouse has full control of the money – debit cards, credit cards, salary – they too will be swallowed up in the downward spiral of debt and unable to stop it. Loss rate increases the treachery of this feature addiction.
Gambling has become more attractive in recent years. Today it is known as a game. Video game-like apps allow seamless phone betting and betting with others. Everything looks very simple, simple and interesting. For a great history of this slow, methodical rebranding, see Danny Funt Everybody Loses: The Spectacular Rise of American Sports Gambling.
Jodi Bechtold, LCSW, ICGC-II, BACC, Gambling and addiction expert and co-author Handbook of Gambling Disorder Treatment: A Guide for Mental Health Professionals. When I recently completed my clinical license renewal course, I found my experience validated in her book, and I grieved more maturely for the pressure my father felt and his helplessness.
Bechtold writes about the frequent mood swings a gambler/player exhibits, including irritability, restlessness, or agitation. He notes that this often happens when people try to cut back or stop gambling. I have found that when money is lost in large amounts or the appreciation of the gain is not met with the enthusiasm one feels.
Another characteristic I see of people who gamble or play games is how they distance themselves from their loved ones, suddenly leaving the room to be alone, perhaps to check scores or investments, to see what their bets are doing and whether they have won or lost. My father spent a lot of time on the phone or away, maybe on long drives to work – but who knows?
In 2021, researchers wrote International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health “The behavioral experience of gambling is itself a dynamic experience of events in a time series, where gamblers become attached to the most recent event – usually a small loss or a rare win.” They note that “it is very flexible, but wrong, decision making mechanism, where anchor changes the psychological view of a large and cumulative past loss to that of an insignificant loss in relation to the most recent event. In other words, people feel good about gambling.
In magazine the Experimental analysis of behavior, researchers say that even if there are long losses before a win, the gambler sees their value. “With this restructuring, even games with an (objectively) negative expected value, such as in casinos, can become subjectively positive. The steeper the delay discount, the greater the subjective value of the gamble (exceeding the steepness of the discount norm). Often the game cancels the discount more than the expectation of playing. Non-gamblers.”
Both studies confirm my belief that even when my father loses, he can eventually win. It was based not on reality, for example, that we were almost homeless, but on a “bet”, a hope and a wish that he would do better; he said he would win. It’s a pity that it lifted his spirits, but only temporarily. He had no real authority over it, so feeling good was all about winning.
Essential Anti-Addiction Readings
we live in society free will and capitalism with porous barriers. I sometimes wonder if my father were alive now, what he would do with a cell phone and the apps that lead directly to the promise of winning.
Fate intervened. He died at the age of 74 in an upward trend. At that time, cell phones were a rarity. And his balance was positive.
I don’t know what would have happened if he had lived longer.
