Attachment theory is one of the most robust and proven theories in psychology. It states that our early childhood experiences with our primary caregivers, usually our parents, shape how we view ourselves and others. This creates a “relationship blueprint” for us to follow as adults. So your attachment style can explain a lot about how you think and behave in intimate relationships.
Scales used
This test is based on the following validated scales:
- Measure of Attachment Style (MOAS)
- Adult Attachment Scale (AAS)
- Experiences in Intimate Relationships—Revised (ECR-R)
Quiz
Disclaimer: This quiz is for educational and self-reflection purposes only and is not a diagnostic or clinical assessment. Your results will provide an estimate of attachment patterns based on your answers. Most people exhibit characteristics of more than one attachment style, and these patterns can change over time through new experiences, healthy relationships, and personal growth.
Comment: 4 styles
1. Dismissive Avoidant (DA)
A DA is an independent and self-sufficient person looking at relationships as irrelevant. They have a low need for connection and are not motivated to invest time and effort in relationships. DA has a positive view of themselves and a negative view of others. They cannot express their needs and feelings to others and if they do, they feel like they are burdening others.
DA tends to avoid intimacy at all costs and may end relationships or alienate others to avoid intimacy. They focus most of their time and attention on work, hobbies and self-improvement – things that do not attract other people.
Related: Introduction to Attachment Theory
2. Fearful Avoidance (FA)
FA wants and fears connection at the same time. They are initially charming, cute, current and invested in someonebut as soon as the relationship becomes close, they feel the urge to move away. This “hot and cold” behavior can be confusing to others. FA perceives itself and others negatively. They have difficulty trusting others and fear rejection.
Those in close relationships with FA often become emotionally attached to the relationship due to an intermittently reinforcing pattern created by hot and cold behaviors.
3. Anxious banded
AP has high connectivity and low independence needs. They are overly invested in relationships because they derive their identity and self-worth largely from them – from external validation and validation. APs are usually social extroverts with good communication skills – the “life of the party” types.
It is difficult for them to be alone. So they tend to seems needy and tough in relationships. They are the people who call or text you all day and think it’s normal. They tend to view themselves negatively and others positively.
4. Safe
There is a balanced need for secure communication and independence. They want to connect but not as strong as AP. They want independence, but not as strongly as the DA. It’s a healthy relationship: being comfortable relying on others and allowing others to rely on you within reasonable limits. They tend to see themselves and others positively.
In social relations, defenders are easy and friendly. They openly express their needs and feelings. They are unlikely to experience serious relationship problems. But keep in mind that a mostly secure attachment style won’t protect you from relationship problems. It can certainly improve your relationship, but it is not a magic potion that will solve all your relationship problems, because conflicting attachment styles are not the only source of friction in a relationship.
Can these styles change?
Attachment styles are usually formed during childhood and persist into adulthood. This is a common pattern. But they can change if you have a significant emotional experience in a close relationship that reinforces your previous internal working models or scripts for the relationship.
After all, your attachment style is a part of who you are, and a key one at that. Human identity is dynamic, and any experience with a major life change or role change can change the way you connect. Life changes such as graduation, marriage, having children, or retirement.
Finally, if you have an insecure attachment style (DA/FA/AP), you can heal it when you come to terms with and process your own experiences: understanding and forgiving your primary caregivers.
On average, people whose attachment styles change after a significant emotional experience revert to their previous attachment styles. But most people experience permanent changes. Keep working on yourself and seek professional help if necessary.
