When I went to my doctor a few years ago to ask about an autism evaluation, he asked me what I would benefit from. Among other things, including seeking the right kind of therapeutic help and having specific self-care measures, I told her that it would help me make sense of my life thus far.
For context, it was a life filled with questionable decisions, failed relationships, and a work history. It was like a life of unfulfilled potential, marked by uncertainty and doubt, through which I had somehow driven. worry, OCDand eating disorders. All this affected me self-esteemand I felt that a diagnosis of autism, by helping me make sense of these experiences, allowed me to practice self-compassion based on deep understanding.
I can understand why this is the opposite of what the GP is asking. He worked in the world of illness and injury, and as our brief conversation revealed, he viewed neurodevelopmental conditions from a support and needs perspective. drug. But for me, understanding my past and being able to look back with awareness and compassion has been one of the most important outcomes of my diagnosis.
I am not alone. Customer Catherine, in her sixties, cited this as the most important reason for her evaluation. “There’s a part of me that thinks I’m funny after this,” he told me. “I’m retired, I don’t need help at work. I’ve even found better ways to manage my mental health. But I want to know. I feel like some of the things I’ve done in the past have shocked me. I just want to look back and understand why and be a little kinder to myself.”
Emily’s reasons for seeking a diagnosis in her forties were similar, but at an intersection between moving forward in a new relationship and coming to terms with the past in order to repair relationships with her adult children. At the beginning of her life, Emily could not cope with motherhood and left the family home where her ex-partner raised her children. “I felt this terrible thing guilt Every day, even though I’ve always had a relationship with my kids,” she told me. “I want that relationship to be strong from now on, and I feel that, even though I’ll always feel guilty about leaving. autistic allows me to be a little more compassionate towards my youth. I feel that guilt has become a barrier between us and I need to let go of it in order to rebuild our relationship.”
Having an autism diagnosis won’t change the way you look at your youth overnight, but it can offer an important starting point in moving into a new perspective. Many people move from a critical, often harsh, assessment of their past behavior and choices to another. empathic understanding themselves as someone who made a choice from a difficult place.
Chantelle used her diagnosis as a catalyst to work with a therapist who specialized in the inner child therapy. “For the first time, I didn’t see myself as a bad boy,” he said. “I realized that I was a misunderstood little girl, I had a hard time understanding things, I went through severe depression because I was put in unbearable situations. I spent many years thinking that everything about my tantrums, being naughty, disruptive and bad was true. And it made me look completely young, it made me look like a new person. came. at the root of my healing and recovery.”
If we return for a moment to the practical view of neurodivergence that some medical professionals might take, including the neurodevelopmental conditions associated with support needs, we can see the connection between compassion for our past self and meeting our present needs. Autism and mental health conditions including anxiety, depressionand commit suicide thought However, in my experience working with thousands of autistic adults, much of this distress stems from years of misunderstanding ourselves, judging ourselves against neurotypical expectations, and believing that our struggles reflect personal flaws rather than real differences in how our minds work. Looking at these experiences with self-compassion allows us to replace self-blame with understanding, while helping us to recognize and respond to our current needs.
Understanding our past is not about justifying every decision we make or clinging to what has already happened. It is the recognition that we can only make sense of our lives through our knowledge of the moment. When that understanding changes, it becomes possible to see ourselves differently, and that shift in perspective can shape the choices we make from that point forward.
