Domestic violence destroys the safety and shelter of the home and becomes a frightening place for any child who witnesses it.
Children who see and hear violence experience it with their whole being – with their senses, emotions, thoughts, bodies. Seeing violence up close between loved ones and dependents has long-lasting effects on emotional and brain development. attachment and future relationships.
Domestic violence or intimate partner violence (IPV) is a very common social problem in the United States. Researchers say up to 25% of children experience IPV childhoodand many first experience it as a baby or toddler (Jones Harden, Martoccio & Berlin, et al., 2021). Children under the age of six are at greater risk of exposure than older children (Carpenter & Stacks, 2009).
Solomon, a formerly incarcerated man I interviewed for my book, Before their crimes: We misunderstand childhood trauma, youth Crimeand healing path, His first memories told me that his parents were fighting. “It was very scary. I was three or four years old. They were shouting, throwing things… Once I was a bit older, it got so bad that I called the police… and my father was arrested. My mother’s physical abuse stopped, but the mental and verbal abuse never stopped.”
Our ability to regulate and control our emotions stress develops as a result of repeatedly finding comfort and security in relationships with parents or care giver. In domestic violence situations, adults abuse or accept abuse, leaving children alone with great stress, sometimes over and over again. Solomon’s experience disrupted his stress response system, and the emotional isolation he felt created a deep longing for care and understanding. This longing led him to other children who found relief and expression by engaging in criminal activity to escape their painful experiences.
Children exposed to domestic violence can suffer severe physical and psychological effects; they are at high risk, including major mental health problems PTSD, worry, depression, drug abuseand decreased educational performance (Doroudchi & Zarenezhad, et al., 2023). The root cause of these problems is often the impact of IPV exposure on the development of the stress response system, emotional regulationand the brain itself. Increased cortisol can also affect cognitive development memory.
Some babies and young children develop symptoms or show their difficulties right away with changes in sleep or feeding, night terrors, bedwetting, or other behaviors. For others, grief goes underground and children appear to be managing childhood tasks from the outside.
Another of my interlocutors, Misty, gives an example. She lived with her single mother and watched as she was beaten by two partners in a row. He told me about one of them: “He used to beat my mother constantly and black her eyes. Once he held a gun to her face and said, ‘If you don’t stop crying, I’m going to blow your head off.’ I was standing there.”
When she was seven years old with her cousins, her aunt’s boyfriend shot and killed her during an argument. None of the adults in her childhood ever talked to Misty about what she saw or how she was leading.
Despite these terrible events, Misty remained a good student, active in sports and school clubs. He started college. It was only when he started doing it romantic relationships her difficulties and confusion with men arose in life choices. The men she was attracted to (like her stepfather) were gang members who were involved in crime and sometimes treated her brutally. He was engaged in theft and robbery, thinking that this would strengthen the relationship. His victims weren’t really real to him at the time, just as his childhood vulnerability was ignored by the abusive adults in his childhood home.
Not every child who experiences domestic violence will develop mental health or behavioral problems. And even among those who do, research on recovery from the negative consequences of family violence suggests that problematic outcomes may not be permanent (Carpenter & Stacks, 2009).
Traumatic events that happened early in life may not be remembered consciously, clearly, but the body does. Young children who witness domestic violence cannot avoid being deeply affected, but with the guidance and support of other caring adults and professionals in their lives, they can recover and heal from these events.
Basic reading on domestic violence
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