I get it, you see the title of this post and you’re probably saying, “Yeah, right, how can five words have such a big impact on people’s lives? But I’ll answer: As a psychologist with over 35 years of experience, I’ve seen every day that invisible sentence running through people’s minds ruins lives.
This phrase often whispers not-so-sweet words to us, but when it gets too loud (aka a panic attack), it can be very disruptive to our lives. In fact, this problematic 5-word opinion, although often silent, is very strict, and even if it does not require our demands. attentionit can be as deadly as we fear.
So, are you interested in this five-word no-brainer? The thought is, “What if it’s bad?” At first glance, you might think, “Well, what, everyone gets this idea.” This is true. But when that five-word phrase becomes your default mental filter, it can ruin your life.
How do these 5 words manifest?
Clients have reported to me that they “get excited” when asked to lead meetings at work. I have sat with clients afraid to tell their intimate partners their true inner struggles. I have often helped children and teens who hesitate or stop when asked to try new things. And I had many others secret to me about the fear of installation borderor step forward and once again indulge in that ominous thought, “What if it’s bad?” In plain English, these five words prevent us from growing and enriching our lives. They prevent us from benefiting from trial and error, which is what life is all about.
We have these five words of thought, hesitation, second-guessing, and avoidance rearing their ugly heads. You hold back or procrastinate, all because of overthinking. Regret the missed opportunities as a result. Over time, this thought does not affect only individual moments. It often becomes a pattern. I have seen this play out in older children whose lives are shaped by escape rather than action. They imagine more disastrous results than their real life experience.
So, to put that destructive thought to rest, I have a much healthier 5-word phrase for you. These next five words are what your inner lawyer is saying to that pesky prosecutor in your mind: “What if it’s bad?” Here’s what your inner advocate has to say.
I can decide what happens
Can you tell the difference? “What if it’s bad?” – we discussed above – is about control: trying to predict and prevent discomfort. It all boils down to our intense desire for the illusion of confidence. The problem is that trust doesn’t really exist. So you get stuck, you wait, you analyze, and you try to “know for sure” what is not clear.
The next five words are the best way to approach challenges: “I can decide what happens.” This empowering phrase is all about ability. It’s about believing in your abilities no matter what happens. This subtle change is everything. That’s because when you switch to “I can decide what happens,” your goal becomes participation. You push forward not because you’re sure things will work out, but because you believe in yourself if they don’t. The thing is, it’s true trust comes from building, not eliminating, risk endurance.
Our children benefit greatly from learning this change early
In my book, Freeing your child from overthinkingI describe a simple framework (PACE) that helps children and adults pause, name what’s going on in their minds, and take one small brave step forward. I remind all my clients (and myself every day) that it’s not about eliminating anxious thoughts, it’s about changing our relationship with them.
Let’s remember that most growth happens when we act until we are fully ready. So the next time the five-word thoughts pop up – “What if it’s bad?” – do not try to destroy them. Instead, say, “Maybe I can handle it.”
