Many people think that overthinking is thinking too much. They are not wrong in thinking this, but they are not entirely right. It’s really about thinking a lot – when they’re alone. When you are alone, your mind has no external reference point. Being alone doesn’t require you to do any reality checks, to tune in emotionally, and it doesn’t offer you any break from your swirling thoughts.
So these rings are set in many ways. Here are some of the best mental tsunamis that swirl around in our minds: “What if I screw this up?” Or “What if they disrespect me?” Or “What if it’s bad?” And, you know the unfair mental deal from here, right? Without stopping these thoughts, they can only intensify. Welcome to the world of overthinking. This term “overthinking” is not “fluff”; it’s a serious problem for all of us, and it’s rooted in neuroscience.
Let’s look at three ways to be around people that I often associate with the term “social buffering” in social psychology to help you avoid overthinking.
1. Mental loops are loud, but seeing other people breaks the cycle
We all know that when you get caught in one of those mental loops, trying to think your way out is like frantically swimming your way out of quicksand – the only place you’re going is down. “Why,” you may ask? Because your brain is already in an active threat-sensitive state. More thinking only adds more fuel. But when you’re with other people, especially if they’re relatively calm, it’s hard to do that when you’re alone. It stops the mind-boggling cycle. Perhaps the conversation will change you attentionor the quiet vibe from others will sort you out nervous system.
That’s why I often walk in prosperous shopping centers. The same mass of people I see through social buffering helps me get rid of difficult thoughts best captured in Henry David Thoreau’s quote, “The mass of men live in quiet despair.” By the way, adjusting this quote to be more inclusive: Women and alternative anyone gender-Determining tendency all fall victim to overthinking.
2. Being alone makes problems bigger and being with others makes them smaller.
Overthinking likes to magnify our small problems and turn them into catastrophic scenarios or even impending disasters. But something changes when there are others. Connection with others, even if it’s just being in the presence of others, is again social buffering, making our problems feel smaller.
This is because being around others broadens our perspective. Think of it this way: when you’re isolated, your to speak for oneself Driven by “It’s Everything”. But when you’re around other people and there’s a sense of connection with other people in your field of vision, you start to think about your own problems: “Yes, this is something I struggle with, but I don’t have to end it.” In essence, seeing other people care about you reminds you that your swirling thoughts are not harsh truths or even guilty judgments about you; you will realize that you are not alone in the struggle we call human.
3. Overthinking thrives on inaction, but being with others is “doing.”
Overthinking thrives on hesitation, second-guessing, and mental stagnation. As I describe in my book, Freeing your child from overthinking, we need to be thought teachers and guide our children (ages 4 to 44) to engage with the outside world so they can avoid these crazy inner thought loops. Communication disrupts our mindset because the very nature of being around others forces us back into a state of attraction.
I describe this in my work with clients and in my book SIDE model. P for a pause (for example, calm, gentle breathing). A to admit (“Hey, myself, I’m overthinking right now”). C for the container, which means “I don’t need to deal with all this right now”. And E represents participation, which means taking a step forward, even if it’s a little awkward. So if you see me hanging out at your local mall, know that I am a social buffer and SIDE— I want to get rid of overthinking.
