How to keep your inner Grinch from stealing Christmas

Most of us approach the December holidays with the same childhood excitement and high expectations. They are provided with Christmas advertisements and decorations that appear earlier and earlier each year. In the movies, charming families share cozy holidays. Influencers provide beautiful images of the perfect Christmas table. Yet for most of us, our actual holiday doesn’t match the pictures in our heads. Despite our best efforts to create a happy holiday, something throws us off and we end up feeling disappointed and worse, turning against ourselves and distancing ourselves from others.

Why is this? There is something that turns us against ourselves and others: our “critical inner voice.” Or, for the month of December, let’s think of it as an inner rage trying to ruin our holiday season.

The critical inner voice can be thought of as the dialogue of our defense system. It attacks us when we feel weak. It is especially active during the holiday season for several reasons. By striving for perfection and comparing ourselves to others, we lose ourselves. We are driven by being alone or in old family situations. At such times, the critical inner voice actively reinforces the core belief that we are not good enough. It makes us feel inferior and worthless. It encourages us to be alone, then belittles us for being alone.

So what can we do? The first step is to recognize what the critical inner voice is. We often mistakenly consider this ongoing communication to be part of who we are. But identifying it as an “enemy within” is valuable. In this way, we can begin to separate our true selves from their destructive aspects. We can realize that it is not an expression of who we are and is actually working to sabotage us.

This awareness helps us to develop a correct and compassionate view of ourselves and not listen to the bad advice of this inner anger. The second step is to clarify a positive self-concept, thereby supporting and strengthening it. And finally, the third step is to take action against the dictates of our critical inner voice, to further strengthen us and support our interests.

It will be useful to know the following situations and how the critical voice affects them during the holidays.

When we expect perfection

Everywhere you look, our expectations for the holidays are rising. Bloggers offer an extensive list of gifts for everyone in your family. Every day there are new and more complicated recipes for preparing Christmas dinners. Idealized holiday movies abound, with family feuds resolved and tied up in a sweet holiday bow by the end. Christmas Eve has a lot to say about grinning.

It is useful to tell these attacks in the third person rather than the first person. This will help you determine if they are caused by an alienation of you and separate them from your true view of yourself.

• You should get them an expensive gift.
• Make the perfect meal. Decorate the house to look picture perfect.
• Make sure your family looks good and the kids are well behaved.

The gathering before Christmas leaves us with a certain amount of depression. We can feel it in everything from gifts to meals to interactions with family members.

• This party is terrible. No one is having a good time.
• The decorations are ridiculous. Food fails.
• Children act strangely.

As wonderful as everything is, holiday celebrations never quite live up to our expectations.

• This party was a waste of your time and money. You should never have tried it.
• The gifts you give are horrible…cheap…not as good as others.
• Everyone thinks your family is broken.

So what’s your point of view? How would you shape it? It’s helpful to keep these statements in the first person because they represent your true perspective on yourself.

• Everything doesn’t have to be perfect. It’s not about how things look; about offering everyone a good time. It’s not about the image; It’s about me being real and enjoying being with my family and friends.
• The house does not look perfect; kids wear crazy clothes; some of the food is cold, i spilled myself… but none of that matters. This is true and the truth is confusing. But we all enjoy each other and that’s what matters.
• Some of the gifts were hits and some were misses. The house is now a mess. But I enjoyed being with everyone; I had a great time. A few people drank too much and got into a bit of a fight or a test, but overall everyone got on well.

What actions can you take?

Don’t apologize for anything… not for cold food or creepy people or a messy house. None of that matters. Focus on your guests and interact with them. Enjoy the opportunity to spend time with them and celebrate this holiday together.

When we are alone and feel alone

For those of us who are single, we feel lonelier than usual this time of year. It’s easy to imagine the rest of the world celebrating the festive season together with joy. Unfortunately, internal anger is very loud about this situation.

• Look at you! Everyone is celebrating with their loved ones and family and you are alone!
• Nobody loves you; no one cares about you. You are such a loser.
• What is it that you have no friends and are here alone?

So what’s your point of view? How would you shape it?

I’m single now. I want to celebrate Christmas with my friends and family, but this year it didn’t happen. I can feel myself and now. Just because I’m single doesn’t mean I’m unlovable. Also, I can do things to remedy this situation: I can do things that I enjoy and find meaningful. I can focus on my friendships this year and plan better for next Christmas.

What actions can you take?

You can enjoy your own company, use this time to pursue an interest, do something you love, or even try something new. Being surrounded by nature has been proven to boost a person’s mood and boost their mood. You can walk in the park or go for a walk. If you are far from the people you love, reach out to them. Check in with them via text, email, or FaceTime and wish them a happy holiday season. You can look for situations where you are sharing your experience with others, even strangers. You can volunteer; being part of a team working on a project with other people creates a sense of camaraderie.

When we spend time with our family

Homecoming can stir up emotions we’ve forgotten, ignored, or even been unaware of. They are often run in older settings where a lot of complex memory has occurred. Some memories may be happy, while others may be painful. Being around people we grew up with can make us feel like kids again, relive old feelings inside, or just not feel like ourselves. Because our inner critic is formed early in life based on the ways we feel and see ourselves in our families, we can expect it to become stronger when we are in the environment of our past.

• They are still smarter than you. You’ve always been an idiot.
• Mom/Dad isn’t even listening to your story. You will still be ignored by them.
• Come on, think of something impressive to say!! Don’t sit there silently.

So what’s your point of view? How would you shape it?

I know I’m triggered. Every time they say something, I feel like I’m the stupidly boring youngest kid. I always felt that way growing up, but I’m not that kid anymore. I want to be kind and patient with myself. I know who I am now. I’m not even sure they see me that way; only the past comes back to haunt me.

What actions can you take?

It can be difficult to act like an adult when spending time with some of your family members over the weekend. Therefore, it is important to take time to be with your chosen family. It can be your friends, your children, your partner – anyone who makes you feel good and helps you feel more connected to yourself. These are the people who make you feel the most, who make you laugh, who think or feel the way you do.

When we become reflective

We measure time differently in December. It’s the end of the year and the beginning of a new year, and it’s time to reflect. It juxtaposes the past and the present, steeped in tradition and memories that pervade our lives. We often use it to reflect not only on what we have achieved and who we have become, but also on what we have lost and what has not happened. We can feel the natural sadness that comes with our losses and gains.

However, there is a fine line between self-reflection and self-criticism. It’s one thing to be interested in our year and to be curious about any future changes. It’s another thing when the critical inner voice starts judging us like a cold critic, scrutinizing us and beating us for our shortcomings. Soon, instead of being in a state of sharp reflection, we fall down the rabbit hole of self-criticism with our critical inner voice.

• Everyone is in a relationship. Why are you still single? This is so humiliating!
• Look how successful it is. You will never have a successful career.
• He is so together. You are very messy.

So what’s your point of view? How would you shape it?

I have a lot to think about this year, good and bad. There is no point in focusing only on the negative. It’s been a good year too, and now’s the time to appreciate it. I have so much to be thankful for and I don’t want to ignore it.

What actions can you take?

You can make a list of your achievements this year. And what are you working on now and will you succeed. You can also start a gratitude journal using a notebook or app to list sources of joy each day. This practice has been proven to help you appreciate life and develop a positive outlook.

The excitement and enthusiasm we experience during the holidays is part of the magic of this time of year. In the midst of these positive emotions, it’s helpful to remember our inner anger and how it can ruin Christmas for us. When the critical inner voice tries to distract us from our lives, we can prevent it from taking over. We can recognize that this is drawing us into an unhealthy view of ourselves. We can then develop a clearer and more compassionate way of seeing ourselves. Once we return to what is important to us, we can take action that reconnects us to our experiences and the people around us. We can be present and enjoy this meaningful time of year.