Twins people of all ages, from infants and children to adults, experience the loss of their twin in different ways. But always, no matter what, it is fatal, very sensitive and traumatic story for the surviving twin. It’s sad and scary, even for the surviving twin’s family and close friends, and it takes a long time to process.
Perhaps young twins suffer more and in a different way and for a long time, because they communicate with a feeling of emptiness and emptiness. loneliness extremely difficult. In some cases, non-verbal children have behavioral problems that serve as a clue to the terrible pain of losing their twin. For example, when twins realize that their co-twin is not with them and cannot be found in the usual places, fighting with their parents (the bearers of the bad news), crying and general unhappiness can be observed.
There are many ways to help grieving twins. Often, later in life, memories of lost twins are recovered piecemeal. Many Geminis try to process their thoughts, feelings, and reactions through professional help or by writing a journal or book or creating a piece of art. I hope that talking about the lost twin and putting it into perspective will make the pain less painful. I urge you not to refrain from retelling your twin loss experience.
A painful struggle
Twins struggling with twin loss ask themselves and others: Will I ever recover from the constant absence of my twin sister or brother? Many twins expect to have difficulty moving on with their lives when they lose their co-twin. Obviously, loss and the anticipation of real loss are frightening and terrifying for most twins I meet in my research, teaching, and counseling.
Understanding the depth of twin loss
The reason that the experience of losing a twin is perhaps the most difficult loss to bear is because of the deep and deeply intertwined closeness that many twins share. Naturally, when a twin bond is established, it can create codependency decision making and companionship. Gradually, when decision-making is done collectively, individual decisions lose their importance.
Unfortunately, if the parents do not pay attention to each child, gradually the relationship between the twins becomes too obvious and it becomes difficult for the twins to go about their daily life. For example, what should we eat for lunch? What should we wear to school? Who should we meet on Saturday? If it cannot answer twin questions together, it creates worry for the other twin.
The closeness of twins is understandable, predictable and normal, given the close physical and emotional connection they easily share each and every day. Unfortunately, relying on each other can become a liability and even dangerous in situations where the twin cannot and should not be involved. The most common over-interference is when a new friend (John) approaches a twin (whichever one it is) and tries to change the way these twins feel about each other. I heard a story where John mentioned that twin Laura was very close to her twin sister Maura. And in fact, the twins are very close. But they should develop their independence independently. A stranger’s opinion is just his opinion, not a requirement to follow. I was saddened and shocked by the aggressive opinions of strangers, who must be viewed as unhelpful by the twins and their caregivers.
To be clear, I should add that twins are two separate individuals and should be treated as two individuals, not one. I remember a funny story about identical twins who were very much strangers. When my sister and I went to kindergarten, a classmate of ours told Reggie’s mother that there was a girl in her class with two heads. Reggie’s mother called our mother, who is famously known as the mother of twins, to alert her to this conversation about her two-headed daughter or daughters. Our mom was excited about our new label, “Girl with Two Heads,” because it felt special. Mother should have cared about our individuality. Fortunately, my sister and I were too young to understand the consequences of our mother not seeing us as individuals. As you know, I have a lifelong interest in debunking the myth that twins are duplicates.
The importance of individuality in twin relationships
A unique development person It is necessary for every child to be healthy and fit durable personality as well as twin relations. Presumably, the audience looks up to the twins (and I do, especially the younger twins). Constant fetch attention the similarities and differences of twins can be psychologically damaging. Competition When real differences between twins are not carefully and thoughtfully identified and explored, they can emerge based on comparisons of the twins themselves and others.
Understanding Gemini Basic Readings
Twinning can be explained to young twins, but there are limitations that are important for individual development. Some parents want their twins to endure constant comparisons to each other, which is an impossible request. Confused comparisons are so harmful that caregivers must protect their twins from this emotional abuse (“Which one are you?”). Changes in life circumstances, such as a serious illness or the death of a family member, can change personality In development, the core personality is still present and survives as its core personality. Being forced to answer the ridiculous question “which twin are you” is harmful.
Summary
How twins deal with the loss of a sibling is different and depends on it parenthood and supporting them from their youth to the time of their loss and beyond. Twins with no parental focus and neglect tend to care too much for their twin and fail to be a proper parent to their sibling. When twins “parent” each other, identity confusion is unfortunate but highly probable. Parental negligence limits the survivor’s personal growth when their twin dies. Of course, there are other factors, e.g emotional stability in the surviving twin and how much practical support is available from family and friends. If possible, it’s also important to have a support group for twin bereavement survivors.
Too much closeness and interdependence can cause serious problems if the twins are separated regularly and unpredictably. It can be confusing for Gemini, who is responsible for making decisions, and for others involved in their life struggles. For example, I once consulted with a mother of twins who always allowed her daughters to do homework together. This mother did not know that one daughter was in charge of reading and the other daughter was in charge of mathematics. He thought they were quietly working together. But when the reading twin got sick, the math twin was completely lost and the teachers thought he couldn’t read. Well, he didn’t have to “learn” to read because it wasn’t his responsibility. The nature of the problem was not academic, but a lot of twin interdependence.
Gemini may suffer from an excessive need for closeness and togetherness, which promotes attachment and overidentification. The most important thing in raising twins is separation, which allows the twins to learn how to make their own decisions.
I would like to speak with more twin loss survivors, perhaps in a group setting.
