I will never forget one moment from my career at an IT research company.
I was there for several months. Quiet, observant, still finding my place.
Then one day, sitting in a meeting, I had an idea. In my mind, I imagined myself sharing my genius idea and looking at all the affected faces.
So I waited for the right moment and said it.
I have nothing. In general, the answer is no.
The conversation continued as if I did not say anything.
That moment stayed with me. I decided not to go through anything like that again. And I learned that the solution is not to be silent, as that is a normal reaction, but to be better at expressing myself.
I needed to get better at putting my thoughts into words so that people would stop and listen.
So I had to work on it. And over the years, I’ve found that this skill brings it all together:
- Connections. Being clear and unguarded about what you mean is what separates couples who have been talking to each other for years.
- Job. A person who can give feedback in a meeting will be taken more seriously. Not because they are smarter. Because they seem to know what they are doing.
- Negotiations. Buying a car, getting a contractor back, asking for a raise. Being able to express yourself clearly is often the difference between getting what you want and leaving with less.
And these are just a few examples. Self-expression affects every area of your life.
It’s not talent. This is a skill.
Many people think that articulation is something you either have or you don’t. Some people are only good with words.
This is not the case.
When I decided to start a podcast and record video courses, I had to talk on camera about the ideas I was interested in, without any script or seconds.
The first months were difficult. I lose my thoughts after a minute. I would stumble, repeat myself, and not let anything go.
But I continued. Every month, a little better. In a few years, I could go longer without breaking the bank.
And it happened because I became aware of the concept and put in the time to practice it.
How you can become better at expressing yourself
The obvious advice is this write every dayread widely and speak out loud regularly. Everything is true. I don’t spend much time on it.
Here’s what moved the needle for me.
Imagine yourself as a storyteller.
This is the most important.
Follow the same structure every time you speak.
Install, build, pay.
That’s it.
That one shift changed everything for me. Here’s how it works.
1. Setup (start)
Tell the listener enough to understand what is going on. Who, where and what is at stake. Keep it tight (for example, see the opening of this article).
The setting is not the story. It’s just that the door into the story. Most people spend too long explaining context here that no one needs.
2. Construction (in the middle)
This is where tension lives. Something happens, changes or goes wrong. This is the reason the story exists.
Without this part, you don’t have a story; you have a report. It doesn’t have to be dramatic. It just has to be important. The moment of decision, conflict, realization. Make it long enough for your audience to lean on.
3. Payment (end)
This is the point. What you want them to walk away with. Lesson, punchline, insight, result. Know this before you open your mouth. If you don’t know your income, you’re not ready to tell the story yet. A story without a clear payoff is just noise with extra steps.
Remember: install, build, pay.
Again and again, in small talk, then in larger talk.
Most people just start talking and hope it lands somewhere useful. They jump between ideas, go back and add things they forgot. The listener disappears. And the lost listener stops listening.
When you think like a storyteller, you give people a thread to follow. It’s a clear start that tells them what it’s about. A medium that creates tension or controversy. It’s close that drops the point and sticks it.
Your brain wired for stories. Research consistently shows that people retain information presented as a narrative better than isolated facts. Stories bring out something deeper. Take advantage of this.
How it works in everyday life. You’re at dinner and someone asks how your day was. Most throw a random sequence of events.
A storyteller picks a moment, sets it up, sums it up, and wraps it up with something worth telling. Thirty seconds. The person across the table is actually interested.
The same is true in a meeting. The same is the case with the call. The same goes for any conversation where you want to be understood and remembered.
The most common mistakes that kill a story
Knowing the structure is one thing. It is also important to know what breaks it.
- Shuffle the timeline. If you say, “Oh, and actually, before that…” you’ve lost them. Be chronological. Tell it in the order it happened. If you need to go back in time, do it once, for sure, and get back on track.
- Insert additional characters. “So my co-worker said, and then his manager said, and there was this other person…” Stop. If someone is not important, cut them off. Every unnecessary symbol is a burden the listener must bear.
- Not knowing your loved one before opening up. This is the biggest one. Most people start talking without knowing where they are going. You can feel it when someone does this – the story gets longer, the energy drops, and it ends with something vague like “…yeah, it was fun.” Know the ending before you begin. The ending is the whole reason you tell a story.
- Too much explanation. You don’t need to justify every detail or anticipate every question. Say the word. Trust the listener to follow. The more you explain, the more you sound like you don’t believe what you’re saying.
- Make yourself a hero. Stories that always look great are like PR. The stories that really connect are the ones where you misunderstood, struggled, or figured something out the hard way. This is what people relate to.
Here’s how to practice it starting today
Start small. The next time someone asks how your day was or what happened at a meeting, resist the urge to blurt out information. Pause for two seconds. Choose something. Install it, build it, close it.
Open, medium, closed. Again and again. First in small talk, then in bigger talk.
How much you read itthe more material you need to draw.
It will become automatic over time. You stop thinking about the structure and just talk, but the structure is underneath what holds everything together.
That’s when people start to notice that you’re speaking well.
One more thing
All of these have side effects that people don’t talk about enough.
Being able to express yourself clearly increases your confidence.
Because you know that when you open your mouth, something useful comes out.
It’s harder than ever to stand out in the world, and it’s important.
Many people have good thoughts and ideas. So many of us can contribute well.
But few can share their thoughts in a down-to-earth way.
Be one of the few.
