We often misunderstand what it means to be a successful adult, and this can prevent us from bringing our A game. Becoming a good adult requires strengths that you have, but are hesitant to use. This may be due to myths.
1. We believe in one monolithic skill when there are many adults
When we meet people, we often meet them on a professional level. If they’re a great immigration lawyer, book editor, or corporate pilot, if they look very “credible” professionally, we think they must be good at it. all other aspects of adulthood. However, this is not always the case.
We evaluate them based on the information we have, which is an example of our special skills.
Everyone’s ability to mature is like an uneven graph with peaks and valleys. We can make more use of our advanced skills and improve our lagging skills.
Don’t be ashamed of your lagging abilities that prevent you from using your best or worst skills.
2. We believe that cool adults often look smooth when they look messy.
Much of life is about a hidden curriculum: what you need to learn to succeed in a field that is not widely publicized. Imagine you want to learn:
- Buying a car at auction that needs repairs but is potentially a good deal.
- Different structures used in micro private equity transactions.
- Side gigs are done by rich people and some of your older people career do too (for example, getting paid to serve on corporate boards).
When it comes to discovering the hidden curriculum needed to succeed in these types of industries, we think people are learning it clean and neat, but that’s not the case. Calling to ask questions in person or to talk to people we don’t know or don’t know well often makes us feel like amateurs when we’re doing a specific job. most avoid.
3. We think we are only extroverts when asking questions on the phone or in person
A big part of effective adulthood is asking the questions you want to ask but feel a little held back, or taking actions that make you feel superior in some way. For example:
- A deal is being made right under your nose. You mean it takes a few minutes to read and digest it properly.
- The approach recommended by the expert is more like what you want, not their expert opinion. You feel like you’re behind on checking.
- Someone nonchalantly tells you “don’t worry…we’ve got it covered” but what you really want is some documentation. You will take a video of the rental car to document a pre-existing scratch that is not specified in the rental agreement, although the agent will tell you not to worry because they know about it.
We only think extroverts It is dominant in social gatherings like this, but there are different types traits, strengths and skills this can contribute to their better management. For example, natural caution or conscientiousnessor a body of experience gained from decades of interacting with people in a business context.
4. We believe that others have more faith in being adults than we do
Often times, we think of people who are good at adulthood as well as confident adults.
Let’s draw a picture.
- Sasha meets with three doctors before deciding whether or not to operate on her leg.
- Todd gets three quotes for the heat pump. One company offers the best price, another offers the best terms. He returns to the company with the best price and asks them to match the terms of the other company.
- Jacqui interviews three therapists before choosing one.
All of our heroes follow the common rule of getting three quotes for any major renovation or project. They know how to be adults, at least in this situation. However, we assume that because they are methodical that many people can bypass, it is easier or less awkward for them than ours.
It may be so. This might be the kind of challenge Sasha, Todd, and Jacqui enjoy. Or, it may be inconvenient for them, as we found, but they do it anyway.
5. We think everyone knows what we know about adults
My neighbor and I were talking about car insurance recently. We both consulted each other in sharing the money each of us paid and other details.
We all know more than we share. If we know something, we think others should know it too. We withhold tips, tricks and information gained through experience, not on purpose, but because we don’t have time to talk about it or for other reasons.
To create mutual benefit, we have to take the risk of sharing something, even when the person may react as if they already know or don’t see the value in it.
Adulthood means using your strengths, even when you feel uncomfortable
Not knowing you full complement of strengthsincluding sensitive, boring or rebelliousit can be a convenient excuse to avoid the discomfort of adulthood. When we recognize the strengths we have (whether they are natural or acquired through hard experience), we begin to feel a responsibility to use them to become more competent adults.
Don’t expect to be the most competent version of yourself every minute of the day or every day of the week. No one is.
But look for proactive moments (like pursuing a stretch goal) and reactive moments (like dealing with an accident) to tap into and use those strengths.
