Isn’t it great that so many people around you know why you’re in grad school, what you’re supposed to do, and what you want to do in the long run? goals must be? Getting a PhD should be a positive walk in the park, with many well-wishers working tirelessly to guide you through this time in your life.
But let’s be real—when so many people seem to know exactly what, why, where, and how, it’s easy to lose track of the most important information—why you chose to go to grad school in the first place.
Here are some of the external pressures of my graduate school therapy clients reported to me regularly. These pressures are sometimes multiplied and blown out of all proportion, and they completely obscure people’s desires and motives. And remember, this is only a small selection – there are undoubtedly many more.
- Pressure from counselors to stay in academia: It’s first on the list because it’s probably the most common thing I hear: Lots of people have academic advisors who are really decent and well-intentioned. However, these people have been in academia for a long time, and many of them have come to believe that there is no life outside of academia during their journey, and therefore all of their students should aim to become university professors. As such, many students feel the weight of the expectations they have to be academics career their only wish.
- Parental pressure to stay in academia: This is often (though not exclusively) in the context of international students with families abroad: Being a professor, especially at a prestigious American university, comes with “glitz” and prestige. If your child is an American professor, you must have done the right thing in raising him. I’ve had many people report that they feel a lot of pressure from their parents to pursue an academic path, even if it doesn’t fit their character and personal aspirations.
- In general, pressure from families: Pressure from families comes in all shapes and sizes. While some families want to produce professors, others find a lucrative career in finance or high technology more attractive. The specifics vary, but the point remains: it’s hard to get through college while encouraging someone else to dream.
- the pressure of competition: When highly competitive people get together, the inevitable happens – they immediately start competing with each other. I’ve heard many accounts of people devoting incredible amounts of resources to achieving goals that make them competitive with their peers but are not good for them. This includes fighting for internships only because they are provided by others, joining projects that do not meet personal goals, etc.
Sometimes it takes a long time in therapy for people to recognize their true, personal goals and the real reasons they chose advanced degrees. Here are just a few examples of reasons why people are in real school:
- University Environment: Some people chose higher education because they liked the university environment and student lifestyle, enjoyed studying, and were not yet ready for an “adult” job.
- The Pleasure of Rape: Some people go to graduate school because they were excellent undergraduates, and they thought that graduate school would be another place for them to shine. Such people sometimes say, in truth, that they have never been interested in any scientific subject; they just wanted to do what they believed they could do well.
- Earning Potential: Others went to graduate school because they believed their future earnings would qualify them for higher-paying jobs. This is especially true for people in technical fields such as computer science and engineering.
- Opportunity to get a green card: The reality for international students who want to stay in the United States is that attending graduate school may be your best bet for applying for a green card later.
- Desire for a career in academia: This is so obvious that it may sound silly. Some people go to graduate school because they really want to pursue a career in academia.
Let’s get to the point. If you compare the first list with the second, you will see that they have some common aspects, but have a different flavor. You may also notice that the second list has practical life goals (like getting a green card) and honest human goals (like having a little fun before starting a traditional job) that the first list doesn’t have at all. In other words, when people are pressured, not only do they give up their true life goals, but they are also pressured to denigrate the human, fundamental reasons they might have made the choices they did.
Let me remind you: your years are mandatory education already finished. You are a free agent who chose to come to college as a free agent and you can leave. There is nothing special about a master’s degree, and there is no divine reason why it should be any different than any other life choice. It should serve your practical and/or aspirational life goals and nothing else. Your advisor might want you to love science and pressure you to serve the gods of academia, but you might just be there because you want to make more money later, and that’s okay. Conversely, your family may imagine you’re a Google executive making millions, but you’re there so you can later teach at a small liberal arts college, and that’s fine too.
Remember, if you treat people with respect, pass the qualifying exams, fulfill your contractual obligations, and meet the basic criteria for your degree, you owe nothing to anyone else and should accept your own personal reasons.
