Our words and actions are powerful, but we often forget that when we think that no one will pay. attention.
I’d like to ask you an important question: how do you react when life gets difficult or technology does “stupid” things? Are you annoyed for the next fifteen minutes when a customer service representative accidentally hangs up on you? Do you scream at your dashboard when your GPS tells you to take a wrong turn?
As long as no one hears us or we’re just yelling at the car, ours anger doesn’t really matter. We consider this a harmless release of pressure. We think we can be “rage monsters” on the freeway or at our computers, and then seamlessly flip the switch to become saints when we’re with our families.
But modern psychology and neurology reveals a surprising truth: the human brain doesn’t work like that.
The danger of “neural tube”.
The brain is no different JSSV or what we are angry; it only registers that we practice anger.
In psychology, we call this the “neural tube” associated with our neuroplasticity. Every time you react to an angry situation with anger, you are deepening the neural pathway in your brain. You are actively training your mind for impatience and hostility. If we allow ourselves to do evil anywhere in life, even to one person artificial intelligence chatbot or slow web page – we teach our brains that cruelty is an acceptable basis.
Because we are creatures of habit, those deeply worn neural grooves inevitably carry over into our real relationships. The anger we harbor in our private lives eventually turns into impatience with the people we love the most.
The scorpion and the waiter
There is a deep story about the monk and the scorpion. A monk sees a scorpion drowning in a ditch and reaches out to save it. A scorpion stings him. The monk tries again and the scorpion stings him a second time.
A student watching this asks, “Master, why are you helping? It keeps stinging you.”
The Master replies, “The scorpion’s nature is to sting. It is my nature to be saved. Why should I change my nature because the scorpion has not changed its nature?”
People are rude. Technology will inevitably break. This is the nature of the world. But if we react with anger and harshness, we are allowing an external irritant to change our basic nature.
Therefore, how we treat those we cannot resist is the ultimate test of our integrity. Ron Shaich, the founder and former CEO of Panera Bread, used what is often called the “Waiter Rule” when hiring executives. During the lunch interview, he carefully observed how the candidate treated the restaurant staff. If the candidate is charming to her, but rude or rude to the waiter, they are not hired.
When working with a bot, stranger or server, they cannot resist. How you treat them is the purest reflection of who you are.
Removing the thorn from your brain
Doing good isn’t just about making the world better; it’s about protecting your soul.
Abraham Lincoln was riding a wagon with his friends one day when he saw a pig stuck in the mud, squealing and struggling to get out. Lincoln asked the driver to stop, covered himself in thick mud in his best suit, and wrestled the pig to safety.
When he got back to the wagon, his friends teased him asking why he was ruining his clothes for a random pig. Lincoln replied, “I didn’t do it for the pig. I did it to take the thorn out of my mind.”
When we are rude, sharp, or impatient, we put a thorn in our own mind. We excite our nervous system and disturb our peace.
Three steps to soften your heart
No matter where we are now, we can choose to change the habits that shape our character. Here are three actionable steps to practice daily grace:
1. Protocol of magic words. Try saying “please” and “thank you” to everyone for a week, even if they’re rude, even if you’re interacting with an AI. You will quickly find that your mood will lighten up.
2. Three second pause. Practice pausing for three seconds when a web page loads slowly or when a stranger bothers you. Take a deep breath before reacting. Use this delay to practice patience rather than building up resentment.
3. Lincoln inspection. If you feel the urge to be rude or mean, stop and ask yourself: Am I putting a thorn in my mind right now?
Our character is the house we live in. Let’s tear down the walls thinking no one will visit. Let’s adopt a nice new assertion: I speak lovingly because I am listening, not because they hear me.
