The kids are finally asleep and the time limit between their bedtime and yours is finally here. If the first thing you do when you sit down on the couch is switch between flipping through your phone and watching your Instagram Reels or TikTok feed, you’re not alone. If your algorithm is anything like mine, which includes fun pop culture videos, funny animal videos, political travesties, and videos of neighborhood crows bringing you presents (okay, maybe that’s just me, and very appropriate), I think you’re also fed a steady stream of bites. parenthood advice on every topic imaginable.
Is your child hard of hearing? There’s a video for that! Want a 90s summer for your kids? Here’s a nostalgic look at what your child is missing! Any questions you have –How can a child sleep through the night? How do I stop yelling at my kids? How do I get myself? teenager is their phone turned off?the algorithm somehow knows (or really listens) and there are endless videos ready to tell you exactly what to do.
Our nervous systems can never absorb as much information as we can. Our forefathers certainly didn’t process videos of catastrophic events with a parenting script that keeps kids from hating them, sitting on the toilet, or waiting in line for their next caffeine fix.
I’ll never forget the day in 2024 when the US Surgeon General issued a naming warning to parents. stress as an epidemic. I was in the middle of a very stressful “get out the door” moment with the kids when I looked at my phone and saw the news bite. It seemed to be confirmed. He even named the stressors associated with the digital age of parents social networksall this did not surprise anyone. But the next thought I had was “…and now what?” I was glad we named it, but the parents needed real help.
This is an intensive period of parenting pushing us to optimize everything. We live with less community support and family nearby and feel the pressure to do everything for our children with fewer resources, hoping for a better future for them. These ideals may have started in predominantly white upper-class communities, but pressures and expectations have spilled over across neighborhoods and incomes, so that once-enrichment choices have become the primary standard for what a “good” parent looks like.
We must also recognize that among all the work done for our children (and so work), labor is often not evenly distributed between partners. Mental shortcuts to optimize everything for our children during this intensive period in heterosexual partnerships falls disproportionately on mothers. I’m talking about the mental shortcuts of coordinating summer camp, the current social dynamics of your child’s world that you hold in your head, and all the meetings, paperwork, or emails that need to be attended to. The burden is heavy, it is invisible, and women are trained to carry it from a young age. to take care of and coordinating roles.
If you’re a mom reading this and you can relate to the nightly scroll searching for answers on Instagram and TikTok, it’s not because you’re obsessive or that you have a problem. That’s because you’re trying to survive under the pressure of optimizing every little thing for your child, you’re short on resources, and you’re looking for any bite-sized tip or script in areas that require more nuance and specialized support than a graphic or a few minutes of video can provide.
OK, I have to name the elephant in the room. i a content creator for parents I am also on these platforms. Many of my clients find me there, and I really try to squeeze my specialties into a trending audio format, sometimes not very successfully, to be honest. Bite-size and “on-trend audio” is not my natural habitat. But then it happened one viral TikTok about mental load. Once I became a virus and immediately decided that it was not for me. (Comment sections can be a scary place. As the Taylor Swift lyric says, “I confess to you that I am too soft for everything.”)
I’ve been on both sides – and believe me, have worry pressure on both the creation and consumption side. Yes, there are good intentions here, too, from the creator who wants to educate and support, and the consumer who wants to learn and grow. But the setup is not working for us. It occupies all the boundaries of our time and leads to information overload and constant control over ourselves.
Essential reading for parents
Here’s what I’ve seen move the needle in my research and years of sitting with moms. therapy room (and fair warning, it’s a lot less satisfying to watch on camera): When someone finally finds the perfect four-step formula, the cycle doesn’t break. This happens when they start paying attention to what is behind it their triggers, how to break cycles their context and how to relate to it their child
So I don’t blame us parenting content creators. I’m sure many of us would like to translate what we learn in classrooms, research, and training to the real stakeholders: parents. What we all (really) need is paid family leave, free child care, and communities that share the burden of parenting, because the Surgeon General was right, and naming it isn’t enough. Parents deserve not just better content, but real content support.
But in the meantime, before you open the apps tonight, pause for a second and ask yourself: Do I need more parenting information right now? Perhaps talking to a therapist could be the step for you to break the cycle. Maybe it’s worth reading one of your favorite parenting teachers’ books. Or perhaps protect this time limit for yourself with something else – something fun or restorative. Because I think you know more than you think. It’s just hard to hear yourself over the noise.
To find a therapist, Visit the Psychology Therapy Directory today.
