I’d like to share a theory I’ve developed over the years.
Most of our problems are not real. They are linguistic.
They are not in the situation itself, but in the words you use to describe your situation.
In other words, if you change your words, you can solve your problems.
What if the things you call problems aren’t problems in the first place?
I know this may sound simple.
Stay with me.
Everything is a frame
First things first. I am not talking about physical problems, injuries or illnesses. These things are very real.
But when you think about the problems you face every day, most of them are not physical.
Consider the following.
Everything in your life has a label.
- You are either disciplined or undisciplined.
- Success or failure.
- Healthy or unhealthy.
- Happy or not.
These are mental symbols that we use in our minds. They seem real, but they are not.
They are interpretations. And interpretations can be changed.
If I look back at how I dealt with my problems in the past, it basically changed the way I looked at things.
I did it unconsciously. But I always thought of turning it into something more authentic, so I share it with others.
That’s when I discovered the theory of reframing
I was reading a book called The inner voice of commerce By Michael Martin. This is a good book on trading psychology.
It wasn’t the content about trading that got me thinking about Reframing, but the passage about discipline. Here’s how Martin fixed the discipline.
“Discipline is acting in accordance with your goals or agreements with other people, even though you may need to act differently.”
This is the simplest and best definition of discipline I have ever heard.
Discipline is simply setting goals and sticking to them.
So, if you are not disciplined, there is nothing wrong with you personally. This does not mean that you are weak. It just means you set the wrong goals!
do you see It’s a way of looking at life. This is a mental model.
Anthony de Mello and the Revision of Solitude
So I started connecting the dots in my thoughts. After reading this line about discipline, I thought of the Jesuit priest and author Anthony de Mello.
He was one of the clearest thinkers I have ever read. He had a way of solving all problems with a single reframe.
Here is one of my favorites from her book, Warning:
“Loneliness is missing people, loneliness is enjoying yourself.”
One word has changed. The whole experience has changed.
If you are alone and call it loneliness, you will suffer. If you call it loneliness, you can relax. The situation is the same.
A label is everything.
This is Reframing Theory in its purest form.
Epictetus said the same two thousand years ago:
“People are bothered by their thoughts about things, not things.”
However, this is not positive thinking.
Positive thinking asks you to pretend that bad things are good.
Reframing asks for something else. He asks you to find the most correct and useful interpretation of the situation.
Not the nicest. Most functional one.
There is a difference between lying to yourself and choosing a better lens.
Reframes that changed my mind
You can apply this mental model to all areas of your life.
These are the places I see people get stuck the most and the specific frameworks I suggest for each.
Often our mental talk is focused on what we lack.
So let me break it down here and offer a different framework.
“I’m not disciplined.”
Old frame: I lack willpower. Something is wrong with me.
New Frame: My goals don’t really match who I am, what I want, or what my life currently allows.
When your goals are honest, discipline comes naturally. If you keep breaking agreements with yourself, don’t fix your will.
Fix the contract. Set goals that are real, that are truly yours, and that match your real life. Then watch how the “discipline” disappears.
“I’m not successful.”
Old Frame: I didn’t get the results I wanted. I fell short.
New frame: I’m chasing someone else’s definition of success.
When you define success on your own termsbased on your own values and your own good standard of living, you will not fail at someone else’s game.
You start playing yourself. This is where real progress begins.
“I’m not healthy.”
Old frame: I don’t have enough discipline to eat well and exercise.
New frame: My habits don’t align with the life I want to live.
Health is not about limitations. It’s not about living to be 100 either.
Health is about optimizing your life to achieve true, lasting energy. When you connect healthy habits with your daily emotions, they stop feeling like a sacrifice.
Exercising too much or obsessing over every calorie you eat will only drain your energy. It’s about finding the balance that works for you.
“I’m not happy.”
Old frame: Good things are not enough with me.
New frame: I’ve been waiting for happiness instead of practicing it.
Marcus Aurelius ruled the empire during wars and plagues. He wrote in his personal journal: “It takes very little to live a happy life; it’s all in yourself, in the way you think.”
Happiness is not attainable. It’s something you develop every day through what you choose to do.
“I’m not famous.”
Old frame: There are few like me.
New frame: I optimized quantity instead of depth.
As social creatures, we are interested in what others think. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.
The problem is that we want to please the masses. This is not possible.
Stop chasing the approval of others. Focus on the people you like and who like you and treat them well.
“I’m not rich.”
Old frame: I have no money.
New shot: I’m measuring wealth against a moving target.
Seneca said it best: “Poor is not the man who has little, but the man who wants more.”
Wealth is sufficiency. The bar is lower than you think. The problem is not your income. This is the definition you use.
“I’m not famous.”
Old frame: Few people know who I am.
New shot: I confused fame with influence.
One person who truly understands your business is worth more than a thousand passive followers.
The obsession with fame is really an obsession with validation. Build reputation in a small circle. Let it grow from there.
How to actually use it
Whenever you find yourself stuck, frustrated, or telling yourself a story about why something is impossible, stop and ask one question.
Is it real or is it a frame?
Often this frame. And once you see it as a framework, you can ask a better question: What’s a useful way to look at it?
You don’t need another life. You need a different lens.
Problems don’t go away. But they stop controlling you.
Remember: your words create your experience. Choose them deliberately.
